The Box

I stare at the box before me

Sweat rolls off the tip of my nose

The voice inside my head screams

“I can’t”

“I can’t do it”

These thoughts in my head

“I’m not nimble”

“I’m too heavy”

“I’ll twist an ankle”

Time is ticking

Still staring at the box

A tap on my shoulder startles me

“You can do this, put the dumbbell down and just step up. One foot at a time. You can DO THIS”

The box, my nemesis

I growl and clap my hands

Silencing the thoughts in my head

Listening to coach and whisper

“I can do this”

Another drip of sweat falls off my nose and then another

I step up

Step down

Step up

Step down

I’m doing the thing

Every fiber & muscles in my legs and glutes are screaming

Burning

Changing

This box is going DOWN

Yes

I

Can

 And

I

Did

 JJ Taylor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shards of Glass

There is a little girl inside each of us 

That calls out to be saved 

Rescued 

Scooped up and unquestionably loved

Cherished 

Wanted

But the lineage 

Is glaring 

Genetic attachments

Racing hearts that can’t outrun patterns

Habits 

Bad picking 

Longing to be saved 

That white horse, the Cinderella story

We try and we try, and we try

Every pick, every dream, every hope of, “Is this the one”? 

Shatters all over the floor 

The little girl is left on her knees picking up shards of glass

The void is tangible

A longing grows within her

For more than she ever dreamed possible

For herself

For the glimmer of that little girl that must fight for 

Her strength

Her fortitude

Her prayers

She recognizes….

She is more than enough

Just as she is…a little broken around the edges

That is what makes her beautiful

Sticky Caramel

I jumped for the beauty

For the “Holy crap he’s beautiful”

This beautiful creature chose me!

The humility

The amazing conversations

Our easy banter, the wicked wit

The caring

But…all the beauty…everywhere

Those kisses, those moments

Worth it?

I am hurting

Images in my brain I can’t erase

How do I erase them?

How do I erase you from my heart?

Knowing I was never really a choice

Not even second or third, or fourth

Realization melts over my skin like sticky caramel

And whispers goodbye

Lola- (Lolita) She is a Show girl

The apartment is quiet

Lola jumps on the bed

Buries her head in my armpit

Her hair floats and lands

Everywhere

She has become a necessary

And needed staple

We have amazing talks

Amazing walks

She is there when I cry

She is there when I laugh

She stares at me like I’ve lost my mind

Maybe I have

But in all the hair and all the quiet

I find my footing & my pace

The two of us jaunting through life together

Yes she’s a dog, but oh such more than that

You and me kid

We’ve got this thing in the bag

But a Blip

A blip (image: Google)

A blip and just like that I am

Forgotten

Discounted

Discarded

Disrespected

Not what I wanted

The difficulty in moving forward

Pushing

Thinking

Realizing

I was never meant for you

A blip in the story that is your life

My life

Perhaps my mind resides in an alternate universe

Where there I am cherished

Wanted

Enough

Fragmented pieces of myself have shattered all over the floor

Are you aware of the impact?

I am but a blip

I don’t know how to pick

I will recede into quiet & heal

A moment

A passing

A lesson

To know my worth and realize I am

More

Than a blip

To anyone

Quit

I do not know how to quit

It’s not how I’m made

Trauma made me a fighter

Grief made me hardened

Love made me want to bring down barriers To really feel what it would be like to be Wanted

Cherished

Reflection makes me realize

I am my own worst enemy

Too many years given away without reciprocation

wrong patterns

not healthy

It’s ok to walk- I should have quit sooner

But my fighter wanted to stand

It’s ok to quit

I don’t have to stand

I do not always have to be strong

Never flex, be the wall, be the armor

For who?

Always for others

Please let me remain pliable, moldable, forgiving & loving

Not ruined, jaded or bitter

I deserve and want something greater Bigger for myself, for my daughter

She has watched me stand for all those years…alone

It’s ok to quit those and things who are not meant for me

Whatever is meant for me will be

Whatever is going to stay will stay

Whatever will leave will leave

Let them leave

I do not chase, I attract

Whomever and whatever belongs to me will find me

And maybe sometimes …

I will grant myself permission to quit

My terms, my life, my love… period.

She Is It

The sparkle of hope in the dark

She is the laughter that lights up a room

The witty

The sassy

The real

The romantic

The believer of love

She is it

An enchanting unique unicorn

Rare, breathtakingly beautiful

She is more than the rage

Higher than the darkest thoughts

More than old scars on stark white skin

She is it

Beautiful & wanted

Beloved daughter

She sees light before anyone else

Angles no one else notices

She catches the soul in a stare

In a moment she is either a cherished friend or deepest enemy

She is courage, she never quits

She is it

The laughter & pranks

A world changer, she will create something beautiful & impactful

A look, a glance, a whisper

She. Is. It.

She Is It

Really See

Really See

You see me

Not the shield

You see me

For me

Really see

No pretenses

Nothing hidden

Or disguised

I read your face

Like a map I’ve looked at for years

The hustle, the grind, the exhaustion

Your exhilaration & joy

I see you

As much as you see me

Maybe more

Really see

Maybe It’s True

Maybe it’s true

All you need is sunshine

The sound of waves

To relax and find

Your bliss

Your peace

Your voice

In the quiet & not so quiet of

Laughing families creating memories

Sand between your toes

Friends and a horizon that goes on

Forever

Maybe it’s true

Pale mint toes 😍