Time

Repentance to others takes time

Often it’s never enough

Wounds are too deep

For others to accept

Salt water may cleanse the wound 

But healing takes patience & time

Time we don’t have

Imagination is worse than reality

Yet reality can’t be heard

Or processed

Leaving wounds open

Picking at wounds never help 

Picking at scabs when close to healing 

Opens everything again

Prayers go up

And up

And up

And up

Where is the faith? 

Lost it along the way? 

No repentance will offer resolution 

Or acceptance

Or forgiveness

Maybe forgiveness comes 

In just letting go

Of the wounds?

Of each other? 

Of the past?

Of the hurt?

Acceptance that things will never be the same again 

Regardless of forgiveness 

The decision that it is done 

Done done

When do the wounds heal?

What makes repentance meaningful?

When does healing come?

Mentally?

Emotionally? 

Physically?

Let go and let God?

Easier said than done 

Wounds ooze as they heal 

The process takes time

Time is something we don’t have 

Or do we?

You

Will

When

You’re

Ready

Time

Unmovable

Set your mind to it

Whatever your IT is

Make a plan

Get to stepping

Life will derail you

Stay unmovable

Know where your strength comes from

Be honest with yourself

Vocalize your dreams, your goals, your plans

Heal 

Inside & out

Topple over- get back up

You are unmovable

You can do this

You are more than you give yourself credit for

Get help

Find courage

Be Brave

You’ve got this

No fear

See joy around you, but grab some for yourself

It’s ok to cry… let it out and let it go

You are unmovable 

And awesome

You can

You will

You are

There is a hope and a plan for your future

And it is good

Rock solid

Unmovable 

PERFECT EVERYTHING

She stands poised in her best clothes

Trophy wife with a smile on her face 

Social media portrays a woman with it all together 

Beautiful self, perfect everything

Hair, nails, makeup

Beautiful children who are perfect

Perfect everything

Beautiful husband, rich- prestigious career 

Beautiful home, perfect & grand

Beautiful vacations around the world

Behind the lenses of social media 

You’ll find tired eyes

Pace marks leave tracks in the perfect white bedroom carpet

She wonders where her husband is

Really in meetings?

Really so busy?

Does it matter that he cheats? 

She can’t give up this life

She can’t afford the lifestyle for herself 

She can take half of everything 

But even that isn’t enough

She works out like crazy to clear her head and pound the anger away

In the process she doesn’t eat which leads to bitter battles

He wants his women big

He craves women big 

The bigger, the better

His obsession

Soon to be 50 and he’ll never change

His thirst for big beauty will never stop

He can’t contain it

He hides it, but can’t live without it

All done in secrets and lies

Secret apartment

Secret life

Secret underworld on boys trips

Doesn’t matter the age

Perfect wife will never know

The pace marks in the white carpet tell a different story

So do the phone calls to unknown numbers as she screams at big beauties to stay away from her husband

They’re working on their perfect marriage 

Fixing things, aren’t they?

Isn’t that what his words say?

He wants her to believe 

She is loved

Cared for

Adored

Oh! But what about them?

Their children watching, knowing, feeling

Perfect Mommy with anxiety will never measure up

The legacy cycle will continue 

Generation-to-generation

Must be great

Must be perfect

Must not fail

A price to pay

Hidden pleasures locked away with lives broken

In the wake of his obsession that will never be satisfied 

Big beauties are not perfect for the rich

They do not portray the right perfection

The right health & wellness

What a mess

What a lie

It has to be exhausting for everyone

Hearts are broken

Lots of them

No one wants to “feel” loved

They want to be truly loved 

Thin beauties, big beauties

Loved just as they are

Without conditions 

Pace marks continue to track in the perfect bedroom carpet

Perfect tired eyes of the trophy wife wondering

Where is her perfect husband now?

And big beauties wait for & cry over a man who will never be theirs

Always sold empty words

Meaningless daily morning texts

Bait & hook

Unfulfilled

Words without action

Never to be loved, only used

“Feel” loved?

Narcissistic husband living in a house

Of perfect cards

She stands poised in her best clothes

Trophy wife with a smile on her face

Perfect everything

Or is it? 

Photo: purchased “icanstock”

Only Guests

Humidity over 110%

Blue sky

Puffy white clouds

Mouths open in awe

Taking it all in

Architecture

Cuban cigars & smoke

Everywhere

Cobblestone streets hundreds of years old

Pimp in green shirt

Has right boxing ear

Fast talker

Encourages us to go to hidden location

Goods 50% off

Our brave leader disappears 

With a local panhandler to look at cigars

We stand in the heaviness 

Of a local alley 

Reminded that we don’t belong here

Only guests traveling through

Locals stare, unwelcome faces

Some swear at us in Spanish

Some curse us

Others cat call our beautiful teenagers

Mamas on guard ready to scrap

Stern local police with shot guns

Stare at us like we’re crazy

I believe we may be 

The only guests traveling this ally

We surely took a wrong turn

Leader asks police for picture 

Now they’re contemplating sending 

Crazy Americans to jail

Coffee or shotgun

We choose coffee sprinting away

Dogs with ribs jut out

Running the streets mangy & hungry

They seek solace with us

The pet loving Americans

Santeria priests & priestesses everywhere

Unnerving everyone 

Oh the Cuban coffee smells divine

Beautiful cafes 

Ropa vieja   

Black beans & rice

Mangy kitty with a heart in fur welcomes us to fine dining in the rain 

Salsa music

Maracas

Pregnant women asking for milk for their babies

Havana rum

Mojitos

Fairy forest in the city that is surreal 

Locals every color, eyes vary & stunning 

Not much joy in many of those eyes

An occasional smile 

Old sexy cars in a time warp

The best of the city feels harsh yet beautiful 

Rustic doors, metal work

Laughter with friends & family 

Sweating from the heat

Wet from the rain

We are guests that don’t really belong 

But honor our incredible surroundings

Beaming in simply being together

Catching glimpses of all the beauty & nuances that make up this incredible city of Havana, Cuba (7/12/18)

photos: H. McCreary

The Box

I stare at the box before me

Sweat rolls off the tip of my nose

The voice inside my head screams

“I can’t”

“I can’t do it”

These thoughts in my head

“I’m not nimble”

“I’m too heavy”

“I’ll twist an ankle”

Time is ticking

Still staring at the box

A tap on my shoulder startles me

“You can do this, put the dumbbell down and just step up. One foot at a time. You can DO THIS”

The box, my nemesis

I growl and clap my hands

Silencing the thoughts in my head

Listening to coach and whisper

“I can do this”

Another drip of sweat falls off my nose and then another

I step up

Step down

Step up

Step down

I’m doing the thing

Every fiber & muscles in my legs and glutes are screaming

Burning

Changing

This box is going DOWN

Yes

I

Can

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Set Your Own Course

Set your own course

Before, during & after

The storms

Be Brave

Embrace your now

Your truth

Your pain

Your sorrow

Your joy

Your laughter

Your highs

Your lows

You are not alone

This too shall pass

You are not a victim of

Circumstances 

Or

Weak minded

Or a twisted mess

Soon enough your course 

Will straighten out

Sure it’s a pinch crooked

A little bent

The journey will make you

A lot stronger

So heal

Let go

Take a breath

Do something you’d 

Never do

Be startled

No fear

No regrets

Lightening too close

Stand a little taller  

Walk it out

I see you

Really see

Deep into your eyes

The truth reflecting 

In the mirror

Be bold

Stay grateful

For every breath

Don’t you dare

Look back

You’re not going 

That way

Believe 

Set your own course

And go

 

 

photo: Google search

Uncomfortable

Get comfortable

Being uncomfortable

Stretch yourself

Do things you’ve never done

Stay open and vulnerable

20 seconds of courage

Is all it takes

You are not weak

Nor a victim

Your life matters

You make a difference

You can do anything

You set your mind to

Even if it’s uncomfortable

Do it anyway