You & I

You step

I step

I push

You pull

The scrapper

The antagonizer

Verbal sparing

Shoves everyone away

Inability to match- 

Steps…

Heartbeats…

Passions…

A lot to handle

Too little time

Not wrong, not bad 

It simply is what it is

Challenging 

Will take time

Reads like a book

Openly taunting 

Candor to the max

You step

I step

I push 

You pull

You a you

I an I

Mismatched

To the max

With a twist

We’ve got each other’s

Back

Believe in each other’s 

Dreams

Hope for each other’s 

Hearts

Just not together 

Journey alone

Walking alone

It’s always been so 

Regardless of 

Intention

Perspective

Intensity

You a you 

I an I

There is nothing

You can’t do

When you set 

Your mind to it

Every time

You step

I step

I push

You pull

You will

I will 

When we’re ready

For now

You & I are just…

You a you

And 

I an I 

Photo: weheartit.com

Peace

You have it all wrong, he said

Do I?

You’ll regret it, he said

Will I?

I am exhausted 

Tired

Ready for more

To be nourished

Cared for

Looked for

Sought after

I started dreaming again

On my own

About a future

About quiet

About peace

Peace isn’t enough, he said

For me, right now

It is

Imperfectly Perfect

The light shimmered and danced 

Along the ocean waves 

Sand pipers ran to catch periwinkle 

A glimmer catches

Attention

A beautiful shell

Cracked & broken 

And another 

And another

And another

A reminder that

Right now

This moment

It’s ok to feel 

What you need to feel

Be what you need to be

To realize that even 

In your imperfections

You’re still perfect 

Right now

As you are, today  

So give yourself

A little credit

A little praise 

You’re not the person 

You were yesterday 

Tomorrow 

You won’t be the person 

You are today

Embrace your now

Love, cry, feel, be, enjoy

Find your happy

In quiet 

In the waves 

Stirring up beautiful 

Broken seashells 

That will remain 

Imperfectly perfect

Just like you

Brokenness

Your love story 

Enchanting

It gave people hope 

It gave them joy

When the police appeared

Shock vibrated 

You folded into arms 

Weeping on shoulders

We cried with you

It triggered sadness

For a love story

That wasn’t

A reminder of realness

Of human behavior gone wrong

Choices made derailing

Everything

Cried for the brokenness

Of you 

Of hope

Of missing love

Things will never be the same

You must keep going

Lift your head

Don’t look back

Don’t go back

In the brokenness

You will find your strength

And yourself

Your love story 

Is still waiting

When you heal

And the brokenness molds you

Into something stronger 

And even more precious 

The best is yet to come

Don’t settle

Ever again

For now… mend

The Courage to Be Still

The courage to be still

That’s a hard one 

I’ve lived the last six years 

Ensuring I’m not still

Being still forces the 

shhhhh…

Reflection

Pondering

Dealing with emotion

Work through mourning 

Tackling anger

It’s so much easier

To NOT be still

Being still clears your head

Makes you cry

Forces you to work through 

Your stuff… the junk

It’s not fun

It takes courage to be still

To heal 

To change

To grow

To be a better human

But you have to find 

Your courage 

You have to want it

And sit in it

Your junk

All those pieces & parts 

To change and heal

Even when afraid 

Of the pain

It takes courage to 

Be still

Please be still…

Compelled

Compelled

To Red Rock Canyon

To climb and hike 

And be

To breathe

To feel the hot Vegas sunshine on my face & shoulders

I HAD to be there

Couldn’t not go

I had to share this beautiful place

With my friends

I stared up the mountain trail

Already half way up

I knew… I had to run the rest of the way up

My feet started to chop

Digging in to slippery gravel & rocks

My lungs burned

Not use to the altitude

Her voice in my head: you can do this honey, you can

I can do anything I set my mind too

Once at the top I wanted to pass out

Near asthma attack

But I did it

Climbing mountains in life is tough

But we will make it

The way down will be so much sweeter

Joy is coming, it will come back

My brother… dumbfounded

What compelled you to Red Rock Canyon?

Me: I couldn’t NOT be there, I felt driven to be

Brother: you do know I scattered Mom’s ashes all through that canyon?

Tilt!

Tears… I was beckoned there…

Love, grit and peace 

Compelled 

Red Rock Canyon, 9/29/18

Blue

Blue The Color of… 

The sky

Glaciers

Sea glass

Peacocks

Blue bells

Lanterns

Ocean

Nail polish

Walls

Blue the color of emotions…

Melancholy

Sadness

Tears

Turbulent

Transcending through multiple shades

And layers

Of blue

Laughing

Crying

Wandering thoughts

Route back to you 

Letting go is blue

Healing wrapped in a warm fuzzy blue blanket

Blue crayons draw blue hearts

Mourning you, Mourning me

Dark eyes look in the mirror, wanting only peace

Peace is vibrant robin egg blue 

I’ll find you there

Happy 

Melting into blue lapis

Sun shining in the crisp 

Blue sky 

 

Words to my year ago self

You are awesome

You are going to do great things

You are strong

You are able

You embraced challenges

Started your 1/2 sleeve

Watched your daughter learn and grow

Be there for her, but let her make those hard decisions

And own them

You were brave

Remember not to get wounded in the little things

Let things go more

Pick your battles better

Seek first to understand

Your listening has gotten better

Do more of that

Stop the echo in your head that says, “I can’t”

Your “can’t” kept you hostage for too long

Let “I can’t” be more of, “I CAN”

You put in the work

You found courage

Keep listening to your instincts, no doubting

Learn

Seek forgiveness from others & yourself

Stop rutting

Stop wallowing

Keep moving forward

Find peace

Pray more

Laugh more, daily on the regular

Tell your family & friends how much you love them

Continue to seek joy in the little things

Stop being so hard on yourself

Relect on how far you’ve come

Stay passionate

Rock steady

Keep learning

Set bigger goals

Believe in yourself

Get more sleep

Keep writing

Be open

Be honest

Be transparent

When tough days come- get back up

Cry

Own your pieces & parts

Reflect

Change what you can

Heal

Find peace

Stay in your now

 

 

UNSTUCK

Swirling clouds 

Muddy the brain

Too many thoughts

Stuck

Inability to decide

The path

Everything feels broken

Twisted 

Swirling

Hot

Everything is hot

Sweat runs down back

Sweaty pits

Tears

This is hard 

This phase 

Phase in

Phase out

Longing

Seeking

Discovery 

Pounding workouts 

Clears the brain

Releases tension

Overtly sensitive

Yet strength pops up unexpectedly 

Now what?

Breathe

Stop for a second

To reflect

Just how far you’ve come

This too shall pass

More is coming

It’s just a thing

One more thing

That’s what you do

You do

And do

You grind

Until your hands and mind bleed

From exhaustion

From fear

And yet

You sense more

Something bigger

Something unexplainable 

Something unexpected 

Something good 

Something startling

Be startled  

Destiny calling

Can you hear it

Can you feel the wind kiss your chin?

Hair flying 

Chaos 

Hope

More

Dreams waiting

What will you do when they come for you?

Swirling clouds 

Muddy the brain

Too many thoughts

But 

You

Will

Get

Unstuck

When you’re ready

And prayed up

photo: google/cabinfevermommy@blogspot.com