passion – strengthdefined

The Box

I stare at the box before me

Sweat rolls off the tip of my nose

The voice inside my head screams

“I can’t”

“I can’t do it”

These thoughts in my head

“I’m not nimble”

“I’m too heavy”

“I’ll twist an ankle”

Time is ticking

Still staring at the box

A tap on my shoulder startles me

“You can do this, put the dumbbell down and just step up. One foot at a time. You can DO THIS”

The box, my nemesis

I growl and clap my hands

Silencing the thoughts in my head

Listening to coach and whisper

“I can do this”

Another drip of sweat falls off my nose and then another

I step up

Step down

Step up

Step down

I’m doing the thing

Every fiber & muscles in my legs and glutes are screaming

Burning

Changing

This box is going DOWN

Yes

Can

And

Did

JJ Taylor

Sticky Caramel

I jumped for the beauty

For the “Holy crap he’s beautiful”

This beautiful creature chose me!

The humility

The amazing conversations

Our easy banter, the wicked wit

The caring

But…all the beauty…everywhere

Those kisses, those moments

Worth it?

I am hurting

Images in my brain I can’t erase

How do I erase them?

How do I erase you?

Knowing I was never really a choice

Not even second or third, or fourth

Realization melts over my skin like sticky caramel

And whispers goodbye

You & I

You step

I step

I push

You pull

The scrapper

The antagonizer

Verbal sparing

Shoves everyone away

Inability to match-

Steps…

Heartbeats…

Passions…

A lot to handle

Too little time

Not wrong, not bad

It simply is what it is

Challenging

Will take time

Reads like a book

Openly taunting

Candor to the max

You step

I step

I push

You pull

You a you

I an I

Mismatched

To the max

With a twist

We’ve got each other’s

Back

Believe in each other’s

Dreams

Hope for each other’s

Hearts

Just not together

Journey alone

Walking alone

It’s always been so

Regardless of

Intention

Perspective

Intensity

You a you

I an I

There is nothing

You can’t do

When you set

Your mind to it

Every time

You step

I step

I push

You pull

You will

I will

When we’re ready

For now

You & I are just…

You a you

And

I an I

Photo: weheartit.com

Peace

You have it all wrong, he said

Do I?

You’ll regret it, he said

Will I?

I am exhausted

Tired

Ready for more

To be nourished

Cared for

Looked for

Sought after

I started dreaming again

On my own

About a future

About quiet

About peace

Peace isn’t enough, he said

For me, right now

It is

Believe in Magic

Imperfectly Perfect

The light shimmered and danced

Along the ocean waves

Sand pipers ran to catch periwinkle

A glimmer catches

Attention

A beautiful shell

Cracked & broken

And another

A reminder that

Right now

This moment

It’s ok to feel

What you need to feel

Be what you need to be

To realize that even

In your imperfections

You’re still perfect

Right now

As you are, today

So give yourself

A little credit

A little praise

You’re not the person

You were yesterday

Tomorrow

You won’t be the person

You are today

Embrace your now

Love, cry, feel, be, enjoy

Find your happy

In quiet

In the waves

Stirring up beautiful

Broken seashells

That will remain

Imperfectly perfect

Just like you

Brokenness

Your love story

Enchanting

It gave people hope

It gave them joy

When the police appeared

Shock vibrated

You folded into arms

Weeping on shoulders

We cried with you

It triggered sadness

For a love story

That wasn’t

A reminder of realness

Of human behavior gone wrong

Choices made derailing

Everything

Cried for the brokenness

Of you

Of hope

Of missing love

Things will never be the same

You must keep going

Lift your head

Don’t look back

Don’t go back

In the brokenness

You will find your strength

And yourself

Your love story

Is still waiting

When you heal

And the brokenness molds you

Into something stronger

And even more precious

The best is yet to come

Don’t settle

Ever again

For now… mend

The Courage to Be Still

The courage to be still

That’s a hard one

I’ve lived the last six years

Ensuring I’m not still

Being still forces the

shhhhh…

Reflection

Pondering

Dealing with emotion

Work through mourning

Tackling anger

It’s so much easier

To NOT be still

Being still clears your head

Makes you cry

Forces you to work through

Your stuff… the junk

It’s not fun

It takes courage to be still

To heal

To change

To grow

To be a better human

But you have to find

Your courage

You have to want it

And sit in it

Your junk

All those pieces & parts

To change and heal

Even when afraid

Of the pain

It takes courage to

Be still

Please be still…

Compelled

To Red Rock Canyon

To climb and hike

And be

To breathe

To feel the hot Vegas sunshine on my face & shoulders

I HAD to be there

Couldn’t not go

I had to share this beautiful place

With my friends

I stared up the mountain trail

Already half way up

I knew… I had to run the rest of the way up

My feet started to chop

Digging in to slippery gravel & rocks

My lungs burned

Not use to the altitude

Her voice in my head: you can do this honey, you can

I can do anything I set my mind too

Once at the top I wanted to pass out

Near asthma attack

But I did it

Climbing mountains in life is tough

But we will make it

The way down will be so much sweeter

Joy is coming, it will come back

My brother… dumbfounded

What compelled you to Red Rock Canyon?

Me: I couldn’t NOT be there, I felt driven to be

Brother: you do know I scattered Mom’s ashes all through that canyon?

Tilt!

Tears… I was beckoned there…

Love, grit and peace

Compelled

Red Rock Canyon, 9/29/18

Blue

Blue The Color of…

The sky

Glaciers

Sea glass

Peacocks

Blue bells

Lanterns

Ocean

Nail polish

Walls

Blue the color of emotions…

Melancholy

Sadness

Tears

Turbulent

Transcending through multiple shades

And layers

Of blue

Laughing

Crying

Wandering thoughts

Route back to you

Letting go is blue

Healing wrapped in a warm fuzzy blue blanket

Blue crayons draw blue hearts

Mourning you, Mourning me

Dark eyes look in the mirror, wanting only peace

Peace is vibrant robin egg blue

I’ll find you there

Happy

Melting into blue lapis

Sun shining in the crisp

Blue sky