Really See
You see me
Not the shield
You see me
For me
Really see
No pretenses
Nothing hidden
Or disguised
I read your face
Like a map I’ve looked at for years
The hustle, the grind, the exhaustion
Your exhilaration & joy
I see you
As much as you see me
Maybe more
Really see
Maybe it’s true
All you need is sunshine
The sound of waves
To relax and find
Your bliss
Your peace
Your voice
In the quiet & not so quiet of
Laughing families creating memories
Sand between your toes
Friends and a horizon that goes on
Forever
Maybe it’s true
When you talk about her
Your eyes light up
The belly laugh you give
Has the room laughing
Expectant for the next story of your
Forever love
Has me missing
Mom 1 & Mom 2
But triggers memories that I love
Cooking brunch, aroma of blackberries and bacon wake the house
With sleepy eyes, coffee & juice
You started the reaction
The inspiration…
When you talk about her your eyes
Light up
Tender voice, laughter
I’m looking through a window at night
& I shouldn’t be
But it changes me
When you talk about her
Oh house you were birthed out of love
From a vision of hope
That a spunky woman had
Because she refused to believe that a woman wasn’t able to go it alone
With just her sons on her own
She did, with you as her peace
Oh house – you were her vision
Of freedom, breaking the status quo
A safe haven for her family
The windows had to be end-to-end
Overlooking the valley
Because at night every twinkle of every lamp post or porch light needed to be seen from those windows
Fourth of July was always the best- the best fireworks view in town
Swimming pool parties
Friends & family galore
Dad wearing a cowboy hat or baseball cap grilling
Mix Doberman/Shepard dog would run parameter & greet kids with a sloppy slurp as she ate grapes off the vine as she ran
Oh house…
As an infant I rolled over on the family room floor
At age 3 I sat on your stairs and cried while the woman who built you sat by me
Rubbing my back as we waited
For Dad to emerge from the bathroom
Your tree house they built nestled in birch trees
Felt like another world
Brunches in the tree house with all the windows open, a crisp breeze
No wonder I love brunch so much
My first kiss on the back steps of the tree house
My bedroom was my sanctuary that fit two queen beds- perfect for sleepovers
Helped that the extra fridge nearby was always stocked with cherry chocolate chip ice cream
Oh house… the billiard games and dart board along with Jack Daniels
Chocolate chip cookies and coffee beckoned everyone
They are gone now
Sorrow flits like the speckled snow
With so many memories awakened
Upon seeing your now but remembering your glory days
Oh house! What happened to you?
Their names and memories whisper on your walls and echo through your halls
Why must you disappear too?
Do I cry for you or them
Or all of us
Missing you
Missing them
Oh house….
Nine times I wrote your eulogy
Never thought I’d have to give it
But I did
You were a melody with a twist
A rhyme with finesse
Brilliant beyond measure
Artistic greatness your design
Four years ago you left us 3/7/16
My phone rang in my office
My sister
I knew
You were gone
How do we pick up the pieces
Of the messiness
Shattered and broken
Had been for years
What words give peace?
What momentum to give your Mom?
How does Auntie “D” say goodbye when I already did nine times?
You are bright like yellow
Your favorite color
Everything sunshine
Even when you struggled to find your gold
You were worth fighting for –
Your mama did it daily- for you
Because she had to fight for the sunshine
After the rain
It rained hard
Nine times
All or nothing
Give without getting
In return
Considerate
But no consideration given
The brain fires bullets
Words of severity resonate
But not spoken
Agitation building
Release in darkness
Of crawling confusion
This season
It is not meant for you
Not your time
Not your now
Wrestling the thoughts
Some ugly
Some beautiful
Some accurate
Some not
Creeping
Wanting
But no
Worthy of so much more
And yet
Picking is wrong
So is the season
Settle into the now
Let go of daydreams
Not meant for you
Keep Crawling
Until you can
Stand
