Suffocating

Every night sleep deprived

Every day was a battle

Woke every night 3-4 times by him

Every morning 1-2 hours driving

Every evening 1-2 hours home

On auto pilot

No air in the canister of life

Suffocating

Laying in bed, he refused to fight

Gave up on life a long, long time ago

Then the death blows came

Back to back to back to back

My people were gone. Where did that leave me

ANGRY

Anger so hot it scorched the earth

Rage gave way to despair.

This is my life? This is my life? This?

Suffocating

Listening to the pretend “I’m fine” as He made the air look oh so important

The bed, the drugs, all that he needed and pined for

Every day a battle

My own personal hell

no one was there to save me, but me

Suffocating

I started to become the frog in the pot that started to get so comfortable I would boil to death

Suffocating

I could not take one more day

Loss, denial, redemption-not so much

Scars remain, but also relief

I feel air in my lungs

We are going to make it

“Can you hear that?

“Hear what mama?”

“Exactly love absolutely nothing, no yelling, no wiping, no more worrying- just quiet peace”