by Ryan Snowden
This simply speaks to my soul!
by Ryan Snowden
This simply speaks to my soul!
Light fractures into the bedroom
Sleepy eyes watching from bed
The prisms of light kiss the walls
And rebound around the room
Close my eyes
Not ready to get up
Mourning what feels like
I dose again- not the normal
Three hours later
I open my eyes
Only to see light dancing
Across the bedroom wall
The floor shimmers
Where did my resilience go?
I was born tough
But not today
I close my eyes again
Sinking deep under the covers
Images and faces haunt me
I fall back to sleep
1 p.m. I wake again, swollen-eyes
Light still resilient, patiently
Fracturing the walls and floor
I raise my hand and trace the light with my fingertips
The shimmering patterns of the sunshine is
I am beautiful
My heart, my mind, my body
Deep sigh, inhale a long breath in
I force myself out of bed
The dogs are waiting for me at the bedroom door
Trying to shake off the heaviness of
My resilience feels
I put on boxing gloves
And begin to pound the heavy bag
I am strong
I am tough
I am remarkable
The sunshine continues to fracture around me
Circling me in its beautiful, dancing light
It is resilient
So am I
Jasper grab your petticoat
Lift it high about your head
Can you feel the blowing cotton tickle your belly button?
Did you hear the thunder Jasper?
Can you feel the wind?
Don’t you think we really ought to go in?
Mommy is calling Jasper
Gather your things
Oh your dress is so lovely
Do you think Mommy will mind the mud?
Bright eyes, a gently scolding from a beautiful person
How clear her eyes sparkle in the dark
Roll over Jasper,
Don’t hug your knees
You’re ok as long as you’re with me
Life plays its tricks
Time goes by
How the laughter went unnoticed
Is it really true that time heals all wounds?
I don’t feel release of this fire
See the embers Jasper?
Watch them glow
Didn’t you know?
That they would burn and blister?
But they say time heals all wounds
Can you truly forget?
By and by I long,
When will the strings of sadness stop to pull
And smiles begin to start?
Do I have to love in sadness?
You will always love
You do now
White petticoat, bare feet
My how you’ve grown since I last saw you
You remember me?
A twitch a glow, something forgotten
I would rather stop and slow then know
That my love was never enough
At least from me to you and around again
How much did you love me?
You said, you made your choice
I am sorry
You couldn’t possibly remember
I wish I could
But never cared
Never needed to
How lonely for you
Jasper? Are you asleep?
Wake up my dear and drink your tea
Wait- someone is calling me…
You are dreaming!
I always will
Listen to reality
I feel it, I don’t need to listen
My how you’ve grown
Never is not good enough
What a fool
Only to you
Jasper lifts up her hands as her petticoat floats above her head.
A hint of a smile shows on her lips
Knowing that one day
She’ll be ok
The wind blows gently across the humid night
A dragonfly lands on a piece of vine
The smell of jasmine intoxicates my brain
Tiny feathers of a baby duck float in my hand
The wonders of love and time
Did I ever really know?
Could I only guess?
The empty red sleigh of so long ago
Is still empty today
Without a thought or even regret?
My tough bravado so mean to shine, to dream
Kisses upon my forehead
Laughter upon your lips
Your lashes are as long as whips
Blueberries and cream
All those impossible things
Like sugar in iced tea that never dissolves
But still wet
One wonders why your hand is blue
Your heart cold as steel
Like the bitter aspirin I tried so hard to swallow
What do you need my dear?
What can I bring?
Can I bring you flowers on a cold day that fills your heart with love?
Can I bring you my kisses?
Oh, how they use to mean so much!
Honeybees and trinket locks
Lost in time and rust forgot
The splendid dreams and goals that were never meant for me
Long leisurely naps of gold
To erase that old worn path that deemed to be…
Trodden and spoiled, forever soiled
The beauty of that part that tickles my heart never rings
Sunglasses with hazy sadness lurking behind my eyes
Little girl blue in stockings and lace
If only you could see your face
What happened to the sunshine when the clouds came
And knocked you to the ground?
Breath, dream, feel and touch
Paranoid places in dark mystic faces
That no one cares to cross or touch
Reality a given, long and hidden
Letting the world fly by
Wanting so much
Asking so little
Always subject to eyes
You are too big
You are too tall
Well let me say how small you are my dear
My laughter and my tears
Goals made of jelly
Sticky at the slightest touch
Butterflies whisper the secret of a long-forgotten love
Build up that wall
Stick to your guns
Fight, fight, fight, fight
Blue jays in a ruckus, ducks talking tomorrow
I am only saying, “Tonight”
Care to hear that story of one so long ago
That whispered clever says of a not so clever man
I need you, I want you
But wait…lies, hidden contacts, no authenticity
What were those words spoken with a smile on your part?
Ah yes, it is coming back to me like syrup over biscuits
You do not want me
School of style on a column page
Progress in its finest
Etiquette on your knees
Please let me tell you
Oh, hear me say
I loved the thought of you
What could and never will be
Little red sleigh
Slides to my feet
Should that surprise me?
Alas, my guess would be
It has always been there
And so sad… always, always empty
* I wrote this poem over twenty years ago. Let only a few read it. Dusting off some old pieces and sharing. Sometimes to heal, we need to let go of the past.
It was a Monday
Laid up at home
Left kidney screaming
Flopping around like a fish
Anxious, turned on Oprah
Topic of ‘dying’ with
Dr. Pausch’s last lecture
What would you do different
If you knew you were going to die in 3-6 months?
What would you change and why?
Don’t waste any more time
Your life is calling
Are you listening?
Don’t waste any more time
Hard lined, edgy
Frustrated, wanting more
Enough is never good enough
Twelve years old
I can do it by myself
Never to return again
To a mother’s arms
Wall so tall
Run straight to conflict
Hard issues- handled
Tough jobs- done
Delicate tea cups- crushed
I don’t need anybody or anything
Twenty-five years later
In the middle of a class
God decides to push
The healing button
Twenty pairs of eyes, on me
Tear stained notes
Best friends and family
Who hold my hands
Oh so knowing smiles
No one appears to be surprised
I’ve spent my entire life
In a china shop
Quieted now for a time
Delicate tea cups
Bring the rain
PHOTO BY: Dan Gee “Bull in a China Shop”, American Fine Art
Believe that you have worth
And are worthy
Believe in your dreams, especially the ones
Hidden away that you are too afraid to unlock
For fear of failure… those dreams will change you & the world!
Believe that your life has meaning
You were made to be great and to be awesome!
Believe that voice that whispers…
You can… when you fear that you can’t take
One more step
Believe in taking a breath
And seeing the beauty that is all around you
Every day, right now
Believe that you are essential
You are irreplaceable and needed
Believe in God who is longing to be good to you
Wanting you to be captivated by Him
Believe in hope and your future
Your purpose in this life is bigger than you realize
Or could wish for
Believe in the power of your words
Call your circumstances forward as you want them to be
Not as they are
Believe in greater
Believe in that little child version of you who was so fearful and just wanted to be held
In their Mother’s arms…from the moment you were born you were
Hers and she loved you
Believe that you are wanted and cherished
Believe in strength and endurance for all that you’ve gone through
For it has molded you into your purpose, not your wall.
Believe in quiet, that stillness that gives you pause, a breath
So deep your soul perches in happiness as you close
Your eyes, if only for a moment for that break
That connection to something bigger and greater than yourself
Believe in yourself! That you can do anything you set your mind to!
Believe in victory & joy, it’s OK to laugh and be happy
You deserve it
Believe in giggles and belly laughter
Believe that you are loved more than you can comprehend
Believe in beauty, beauty draws us to God
Believe in the radiance that is in you
Seek that hidden part of your heart
For it is that part you and others so
Believe in change
Believe you can and you will
Believe in now, that everything is exactly how it should be
Believe in the love you poured into others and to
Your children…it was not wasted.
It did make a difference
Believe you make a difference to those around you
To family, to friends, to strangers, to life