Brokenness

Your love story 

Enchanting

It gave people hope 

It gave them joy

When the police appeared

Shock vibrated 

You folded into arms 

Weeping on shoulders

We cried with you

It triggered sadness

For a love story

That wasn’t

A reminder of realness

Of human behavior gone wrong

Choices made derailing

Everything

Cried for the brokenness

Of you 

Of hope

Of missing love

Things will never be the same

You must keep going

Lift your head

Don’t look back

Don’t go back

In the brokenness

You will find your strength

And yourself

Your love story 

Is still waiting

When you heal

And the brokenness molds you

Into something stronger 

And even more precious 

The best is yet to come

Don’t settle

Ever again

For now… mend

The Courage to Be Still

The courage to be still

That’s a hard one 

I’ve lived the last six years 

Ensuring I’m not still

Being still forces the 

shhhhh…

Reflection

Pondering

Dealing with emotion

Work through mourning 

Tackling anger

It’s so much easier

To NOT be still

Being still clears your head

Makes you cry

Forces you to work through 

Your stuff… the junk

It’s not fun

It takes courage to be still

To heal 

To change

To grow

To be a better human

But you have to find 

Your courage 

You have to want it

And sit in it

Your junk

All those pieces & parts 

To change and heal

Even when afraid 

Of the pain

It takes courage to 

Be still

Please be still…

Roller coaster

Grief like a roller coaster

Up

Down

High

Low

Up has been longer

Until recently

Seeing your blue eyes everywhere

Your silly sneezes

Your outlandish sunglasses

Orange skies painted just for me

Reached for the phone

Wishing we could chat

Talked out loud to you several times

Need some solid Mama advice

Louie Armstrong randomly played,

“La Vie En Rose”

Closing my eyes and oh the memories…

Your awful singing

Our awkward dancing

Falling into each other’s arms laughing

Need you now more than ever

Your paintings everywhere

They make me happy

Headed to Vegas & I wonder

Will I find you there?

Vegas your home for over 22 years

The memories

The missing

The joy

Of you… everywhere

Grief like a roller coaster

Up

Down

High

Low

 

image: Google image

 

UNSTUCK

Swirling clouds 

Muddy the brain

Too many thoughts

Stuck

Inability to decide

The path

Everything feels broken

Twisted 

Swirling

Hot

Everything is hot

Sweat runs down back

Sweaty pits

Tears

This is hard 

This phase 

Phase in

Phase out

Longing

Seeking

Discovery 

Pounding workouts 

Clears the brain

Releases tension

Overtly sensitive

Yet strength pops up unexpectedly 

Now what?

Breathe

Stop for a second

To reflect

Just how far you’ve come

This too shall pass

More is coming

It’s just a thing

One more thing

That’s what you do

You do

And do

You grind

Until your hands and mind bleed

From exhaustion

From fear

And yet

You sense more

Something bigger

Something unexplainable 

Something unexpected 

Something good 

Something startling

Be startled  

Destiny calling

Can you hear it

Can you feel the wind kiss your chin?

Hair flying 

Chaos 

Hope

More

Dreams waiting

What will you do when they come for you?

Swirling clouds 

Muddy the brain

Too many thoughts

But 

You

Will

Get

Unstuck

When you’re ready

And prayed up

photo: google/cabinfevermommy@blogspot.com

Unmovable

Set your mind to it

Whatever your IT is

Make a plan

Get to stepping

Life will derail you

Stay unmovable

Know where your strength comes from

Be honest with yourself

Vocalize your dreams, your goals, your plans

Heal 

Inside & out

Topple over- get back up

You are unmovable

You can do this

You are more than you give yourself credit for

Get help

Find courage

Be Brave

You’ve got this

No fear

See joy around you, but grab some for yourself

It’s ok to cry… let it out and let it go

You are unmovable 

And awesome

You can

You will

You are

There is a hope and a plan for your future

And it is good

Rock solid

Unmovable 

PERFECT EVERYTHING

She stands poised in her best clothes

Trophy wife with a smile on her face 

Social media portrays a woman with it all together 

Beautiful self, perfect everything

Hair, nails, makeup

Beautiful children who are perfect

Perfect everything

Beautiful husband, rich- prestigious career 

Beautiful home, perfect & grand

Beautiful vacations around the world

Behind the lenses of social media 

You’ll find tired eyes

Pace marks leave tracks in the perfect white bedroom carpet

She wonders where her husband is

Really in meetings?

Really so busy?

Does it matter that he cheats? 

She can’t give up this life

She can’t afford the lifestyle for herself 

She can take half of everything 

But even that isn’t enough

She works out like crazy to clear her head and pound the anger away

In the process she doesn’t eat which leads to bitter battles

He wants his women big

He craves women big 

The bigger, the better

His obsession

Soon to be 50 and he’ll never change

His thirst for big beauty will never stop

He can’t contain it

He hides it, but can’t live without it

All done in secrets and lies

Secret apartment

Secret life

Secret underworld on boys trips

Doesn’t matter the age

Perfect wife will never know

The pace marks in the white carpet tell a different story

So do the phone calls to unknown numbers as she screams at big beauties to stay away from her husband

They’re working on their perfect marriage 

Fixing things, aren’t they?

Isn’t that what his words say?

He wants her to believe 

She is loved

Cared for

Adored

Oh! But what about them?

Their children watching, knowing, feeling

Perfect Mommy with anxiety will never measure up

The legacy cycle will continue 

Generation-to-generation

Must be great

Must be perfect

Must not fail

A price to pay

Hidden pleasures locked away with lives broken

In the wake of his obsession that will never be satisfied 

Big beauties are not perfect for the rich

They do not portray the right perfection

The right health & wellness

What a mess

What a lie

It has to be exhausting for everyone

Hearts are broken

Lots of them

No one wants to “feel” loved

They want to be truly loved 

Thin beauties, big beauties

Loved just as they are

Without conditions 

Pace marks continue to track in the perfect bedroom carpet

Perfect tired eyes of the trophy wife wondering

Where is her perfect husband now?

And big beauties wait for & cry over a man who will never be theirs

Always sold empty words

Meaningless daily morning texts

Bait & hook

Unfulfilled

Words without action

Never to be loved, only used

“Feel” loved?

Narcissistic husband living in a house

Of perfect cards

She stands poised in her best clothes

Trophy wife with a smile on her face

Perfect everything

Or is it? 

Photo: purchased “icanstock”

Unconditionally

You have something to say

But throat constricts

In fear

Can you be raw

Even in the hurt

I’ll take you

Wounded

Even with poor examples

Giving forgiveness

Sitting at your feet

Sweating

Just wanting you to know

I love you anyway 

Regardless of your mistakes

Simply because I choose you

Unconditionally