Empty Red Sleigh

The wind blows gently across the humid night

A dragonfly lands on a piece of vine

The smell of jasmine intoxicates my brain

Tiny feathers of a baby duck float in my hand

The wonders of love and time

Did I ever really know?

Could I only guess?

The empty red sleigh of so long ago

Is still empty today

Without a thought or even regret?

My tough bravado so mean to shine, to dream

Kisses upon my forehead

Laughter upon your lips

Your lashes are as long as whips

Blueberries and cream

All those impossible things

Like sugar in iced tea that never dissolves

But still wet

One wonders why your hand is blue

Your heart cold as steel

Like the bitter aspirin I tried so hard to swallow

What do you need my dear?

What can I bring?

Can I bring you flowers on a cold day that fills your heart with love?

Can I bring you my kisses?

Oh, how they use to mean so much!

Honeybees and trinket locks

Lost in time and rust forgot

The splendid dreams and goals that were never meant for me

Long leisurely naps of gold

To erase that old worn path that deemed to be…

Me

Trodden and spoiled, forever soiled

The beauty of that part that tickles my heart never rings

Sunglasses with hazy sadness lurking behind my eyes

Little girl blue in stockings and lace

If only you could see your face

What happened to the sunshine when the clouds came

And knocked you to the ground?

Get up!

Breath, dream, feel and touch

Paranoid places in dark mystic faces

That no one cares to cross or touch

Reality a given, long and hidden

Letting the world fly by

Wanting so much

Asking so little

Always subject to eyes

You are too big

You are too tall

Well let me say how small you are my dear

My laughter and my tears

Goals made of jelly

Sticky at the slightest touch

Butterflies whisper the secret of a long-forgotten love

Build up that wall

Stick to your guns

Fight, fight, fight, fight

Blue jays in a ruckus, ducks talking tomorrow

I am only saying, “Tonight”

Care to hear that story of one so long ago

That whispered clever says of a not so clever man

I need you, I want you

But wait…lies, hidden contacts, no authenticity

What were those words spoken with a smile on your part?

Ah yes, it is coming back to me like syrup over biscuits

You do not want me

School of style on a column page

Progress in its finest

Etiquette on your knees

Please let me tell you

Oh, hear me say

I loved the thought of you

What could and never will be

Little red sleigh

Slides to my feet

Empty again

Should that surprise me?

Alas, my guess would be

It has always been there

And so sad… always, always empty

* I wrote this poem over twenty years ago.  Let only a few read it. Dusting off some old pieces and sharing. Sometimes to heal, we need to let go of the past.

Jeni M.

Don’t Waste Any More Time

It was a Monday

Laid up at home

Left kidney screaming

Flopping around like a fish

Anxious, turned on Oprah

Topic of ‘dying’ with

Dr. Pausch’s last lecture

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Pondering

Thinking

Crying

What would you do different

If you knew you were going to die in 3-6 months?

What would you change and why?

Why wait?

Don’t wait

Don’t waste any more time

Your life is calling

Are you listening?

Listen

You are

You do

You can

You will

Don’t waste any more time

Jerry Miller

A little bit brash

A whole lot of funny

Best damn mango martini’s you’ll ever have

The love of his ladies

All over his face when he stood watching each of you

Each of you fly and grow and become the beautiful women

That you are today

He’s proud and honored

To call you wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, family…

A mentor

A champion

A fighter

Hilarious

His eyes twinkled mischievously and

That laugh

My God what a laugh with head tipped back

Or slapping a knee

He believed anything was possible

With hard work

Focus

And a little pain…

You carry on

You must

Stay bold

As he was

He wouldn’t want it

Any other way

Jeni McCreary

*Jerry Miller 1/6/2017 RIP

Bull in a China Shop

Hard lined, edgy

Frustrated, wanting more

Enough is never good enough

Twelve years old

I can do it by myself

Never to return again

To a mother’s arms

Wall so tall

Run straight to conflict

Hard issues- handled

Tough jobs- done

Delicate tea cups- crushed

I don’t need anybody or anything

Castle

Twenty-five years later

In the middle of a class

God decides to push

The healing button

Twenty pairs of eyes, on me

Hysteria

Alligator tears

Soaked shirt

Tear stained notes

Best friends and family

Who hold my hands

And smile

Oh so knowing smiles

No one appears to be surprised

But me

I’ve spent my entire life

In conflict

Survival

A bull

Snorting

Raging

In a china shop

Quieted now for a time

Refined, changed

Delicate tea cups

Expectantly waiting

Catching rain

Healing rain

Bring the rain

Jeni M.

PHOTO BY: Dan Gee “Bull in a China Shop”, American Fine Art

Believe

Believe that you have worth

And are worthy

Believe in your dreams, especially the ones

Hidden away that you are too afraid to unlock

For fear of failure… those dreams will change you & the world!

Believe that your life has meaning

You were made to be great and to be awesome!

Believe that voice that whispers…

You can… when you fear that you can’t take

One more step

Believe in taking a breath

And seeing the beauty that is all around you

Every day, right now

Believe that you are essential

You are irreplaceable and needed

Believe in God who is longing to be good to you

Wanting you to be captivated by Him

Believe in hope and your future

Your purpose in this life is bigger than you realize

Or could wish for

Believe in the power of your words

Call your circumstances forward as you want them to be

Not as they are

Believe in greater

Believe in that little child version of you who was so fearful and just wanted to be held

In their Mother’s arms…from the moment you were born you were

Hers and she loved you

Believe that you are wanted and cherished

Believe in strength and endurance for all that you’ve gone through

For it has molded you into your purpose, not your wall.

Believe in quiet, that stillness that gives you pause, a breath

So deep your soul perches in happiness as you close

Your eyes, if only for a moment for that break

That connection to something bigger and greater than yourself

Believe in yourself! That you can do anything you set your mind to!

Believe in victory & joy, it’s OK to laugh and be happy

You deserve it

Believe in giggles and belly laughter

Believe that you are loved more than you can comprehend

Believe in beauty, beauty draws us to God

Believe in the radiance that is in you

Seek that hidden part of your heart

For it is that part you and others so

Desperately need

Believe in change

Believe you can and you will

Believe in now, that everything is exactly how it should be

For now

Believe in the love you poured into others and to

Your children…it was not wasted.

It did make a difference

Believe you make a difference to those around you

To family, to friends, to strangers, to life

To live

Simply Believe

Been Here

When it seems like I have been here forever

I dream of the rustic, tree lined mountain top

And my rock overlooking the city

Where I sit for hours

To contemplate life

Scented wild flowers unplug my

City polluted nostrils

I run free as can be, smiling

A fuzzy brown rabbit scurries under the tree

The sun winks down

My thoughts carry back to you

Stirring from my daydream

I look out the dusty window

Watch as the heavy fog crowds in around the city

It begins to rain

A deep sigh escapes my lips

I return to my work

It seems like I have been here forever

Be Brave

Be brave

Be bold

Be creative

Stay authentic

Stay courageous

You are worthy

For all you have coming

The best is yet to come

For you

Have hope

Be expectant

I will miss you

I will cry

But I know

You will fly

Do great things

Write that book

Change the world

Find the love of your life

Be intentional

Feel your feels

Heal

Grow- more than you have before

I am your biggest fan

And champion- forever

Be Brave

*For Karina V.- yes you CAN

Jeni McCreary