Distracted

Busy lives keep us 

Distracted

Never having to deal

With it, or them, or life

We grind so hard and so long

That it’s easy 

To flop into bed

Exhausted

Causing our own exhaustion

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning

Organize, organize, organize

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 

Can’t stop

Must keep moving

Must keep going

Otherwise we’ll have to deal 

With the missing 

Missing friends

Missing family

Missing memories

Missing time

Missing dreams

Eaten up with 

Must stay busy

Must be busy

Stay “fine”, “I’m good”

The quiet overwhelms

The brain that just wants

Reprieve

From all the planning

All the busy

All the tired

But isn’t it sad

Incredibly sad 

That in all the busy

We’re missing 

Our children’s giggles

Dogs at our feet wanting attention

The hawk perched in the tree

Staring & hoping that you’ll

Catch a higher vision

For yourself

For your family

For your friends

Is it worth it?

Your inability to slow down?

And enjoy 

Who you are

What you are

Whose you are

Right now?

You can’t out run it

Your pain

But one day

When you’re ready

You will heal

And the busy 

Will melt

Into a life that is 

More

More centered 

More balanced 

More peaceful

In the meantime busy lives keep us 

Distracted

Never having to deal

With it, or them, or life

EIGHT Second Chances

How many second chances

Do we get at this life? 

Don’t you feel destined

To do amazing things

In your life? Urgency pounding

I’ve been handed 

EIGHT second chances

1st Second Chance

In Utero my Mom 

Kept falling while 8 months

Pregnant, hospitalized 

To prevent her from falling

Alcohol poisoning 

A projectile vomiter

Rough beginnings

2nd Second Chance

Early twenties

An ovarian tumor

Led to emergency surgery

That led to a second surgery

That led to 10 months

Of hell 

On Lupron

A plan prepared 

Ready to execute 

But the phone rang, my Dad:

“Don’t know where your head is at now, but don’t do it!”

3rd Second Chance

Late 20’s, pre-eclampsia

32.6 weeks pregnant 

14 days in the hospital

5 pounds of fluid filled my lungs 

Over night

Pulmonary edema

Kidneys failing

Liver not far behind

Emergency C-section

3#, 9 oz baby girl arrived

While I fought for my life 

For over 36 hours

To live

To meet my daughter 

4th Second Chance

Business trip

Left engine on plane blew up

Stewardess screaming: 

“We’re on fire, we’re on fire- we are all going to die!”

5th Second Chance

A devastating hysterectomy

With the gift of my doctor spotting 

Something wrong with my appendix

A carcinoid tumor 

If ruptured- a death sentence

I mourned inability to not have more children …but

Blessed to be alive

6th Second Chance

After a toe joint replaced

Got super sick

Hospitalized for 14 days

Diagnosis, “we think you have leukemia” 

Do I have enough life insurance? 

Bone marrow test- BEYOND unpleasant 

Ruled leukemia out… but

7th Second Chance 

“We think you contracted

West Valley Fever when you went to 

Nevada”

Mom was dying 

Worse mortality rate

Than leukemia 

Over 6 months

Scans

Sinus scrapes

7 doctors on deck

Final diagnosis:

“You just have really bad luck”

8th Second Chance

Insane bladder infection

With a deadly antibiotic resistant bug

I was sent home on intravenous 

Line in my arm

Self administered heavy duty 

Antibiotics into my body 

3 times a day, 3 weeks

Another Doc said:

“You just have really bad luck”

I know I’m meant to do amazing things in this life

Never take your life for granted 

Focus on your now

Spend quality time with

Your family & friends

Dream

Set goals

Achieve those goals 

Have courage

And love 

With all you’ve got 

No regrets

Not Unto Death

The last four months have been some of the hardest. To be faced with a diagnosis of leukemia that was ruled out by a painful bone marrow test. Then to be told that I have “Valley Fever” that I contracted in the Nevada desert when my Mom was dying two years ago. A potential diagnosis with a worse mortality rate than leukemia…it was ruled out by sinus scopes & scrapes, CT of my sinuses and lots more  blood work.

I had such moments of panic. Do I have enough life insurance for my family? Will I see my little girl grow up? With my husband already out of commission and in bed 95% of his days…who would care for my daughter? My son? He has his own life to live. These panicked thoughts I let in and allowed.

It had to stop.

I called out to God. I cried to Him:

You gave me breath! You wake me up every morning. You are the rock on which I stand.

In those darkest moments with thoughts racing…I made a choice. To believe His word & that these diagnoses, these diseases were NOT unto death.  God will renew my strength. I am healed. I am strong. I am a overcomer. God is good. God is for me. God loves me.

My life has purpose bigger than my now. Bigger dreams. Bigger goals that wrap around His will only. When those waters would not part in those months of unknown, I still stood in my trust in Him.

Today I stand in joy, I’m alive! Not unto death. God has plans & purpose for my life….it is good. I trust Him, period.