Ballerina Twirling

Ballerina Twirling

She turned

I smile

Reached for her

Twirling in a pink ballerina costume

Dark brown eyes sparkle, flecks of green

Long eye lashes

Curly dark brown hair falls over one eye

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling

Magical fairy wand plays a silly tune

Giggles, laughter

My breath is torn from me

Sitting silent

Feeling alone

Watching my sons

Blinking loudly

Hope dashing

Husband’s sad eyes

Precious pink ballerina not twirling

Not for me

Not yesterday

Not today

Hysterectomy 

Gone

Seek healing

Physical & emotional

Health restored

Love… All of these are mine

Shattered dream

Shattered hope

Magical fairy wand 

Lays unmoved in my lap

I loved you

The dream of you

I love you now

One day I will find you

In my dreams

In my prayers

You will be there

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling

For my best friend- to heal the loss of your little girl & the hysterectomy that chased your dream away. One day…One day.

A Thousand Scrolling Faces

I sat and watched thousands of faces
Scroll in memory of them
They were young
They were old
They held their babies in their arms
They held each other
We watched and I wondered
What brought you to this place?
What heartache?
What pain?
What tragedy?
The smiling faces staring back at me don’t help me understand.
We gather, standing, holding our breath
Waiting for our loved ones face to come on the screen.
They’re gone
They are not coming back to us
To hold
To cherish in our arms
To watch their children grow
We are the ones left waiting
Wanting more for those smiling in the scrolling pictures than they wanted for themselves
I’m broken
I want to know their story
I want to know why
And then I see her
Holding her breath
Camera poised
To catch a glimpse of her son
Anxious
He can’t be missed
Never forgotten
None of them ever will be
The tears come for what we wish could have been
What should have been
Heroin destroys families
Hold on to hope
Get help
We love you
We miss you

“All I wanna do is make a difference, some way, somehow….maybe create a few smiles in the process.”
Christopher Holland 10/16/85- 3/7/2016