Casualties of War

Casualties of War

Father screams for his son

Lying limp in his arms

Needing help, desperate for it

As bombs explode overhead

Casualties of War

Chaos 

Burned flesh

Their scent blowing in the air

Little boy with eyes missing

Can you hear him weeping?

For his children?

Both sides, all his

Casualties of War

Tears, wailing, all wanting quiet

A little peace

A little joy

A chance to be free

Faces silent, mourning

Still living

Eyes staring darkly into photo lenses

Hostility growing

Mothers wailing the loss of their children

Food delivered

Running for safety

Casualties of War

Sirens blaring

Civilians trying to get food

Suddenly are on the ground

Praying they are not next

Casualties of War

Death

Alone 

Dying, both sides

Bloody babies cradled 

In weeping mothers’ arms

Casualties of War

Can you hear him weeping?

Silent Sentries

Silent sentries 

Standing in murky mud

Heads bowed in defeat

Large yellow bulldozers stand guard

Wary of the unified Wood Storks

That have gathered

Muddy, silent, hungry

Unified Wood Storks poised, patient, waiting…

Frogs croak lazily, not realizing 

They are surrounded

Fifty strong sentries standing 

In murky mud- hungry

Frogs suddenly silenced 

Swimming in warm bellies

Large yellow bulldozers nervously 

Await their fate

From the silent sentries standing guard

In the murky mud

Tragedy Happens

Misunderstood

Judgments crept in

Minds made up

BOOM

Tragedy happens

Too many times in succession

Suddenly the haze clears 

Everything becomes crystal clear

Appreciation for our now

This moment

Please understand

Initially we misunderstood each other

Now I see you in their eyes

Their actions

The way they talk

The way they walk

The way they laugh

Small details in the most

Intricate things

Witty sayings

Silly ways

You’re still here

We are more for it

Shouldn’t we honor those in our now? 

Adore them?

Love them?

Cherish them? 

Misunderstandings happen

Maybe we should always think about

Positive intention

Family-to-family

Friends-to-friends

Sometimes altered forever

Thankful for the gift 

Of tragedy 

It reminds us of what is true

In our lives

Right now

Anesthesia Fog

I woke in the recovery room 

To the smell of hospital soap and anesthesia

The sound of the beeping heart monitor 

The IV gurgling in my veins

Bleary-eyed I tried to focus on the Doctor’s voice 

He rubbed my hand, “We had to do a hysterectomy”

I gulped, eyes closed, anesthesia lulling me back to sleep

I opened one eye, trying to focus on the nurse, 

“Did I hear that correctly? Did he say hysterectomy?” 

“Yes.” 

I remember turning my head and looking out the window

The sky was cloudy and gray

It was going to storm

Lightening flashed in the distance

My eyes grew heavy once again

I succumbed to the anesthesia fog 

And remembered thinking, 

“But we had already picked your name…”

Ballerina Twirling

Ballerina Twirling

She turned

I smile

Reached for her

Twirling in a pink ballerina costume

Dark brown eyes sparkle, flecks of green

Long eye lashes

Curly dark brown hair falls over one eye

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling

Magical fairy wand plays a silly tune

Giggles, laughter

My breath is torn from me

Sitting silent

Feeling alone

Watching my sons

Blinking loudly

Hope dashing

Husband’s sad eyes

Precious pink ballerina not twirling

Not for me

Not yesterday

Not today

Hysterectomy 

Gone

Seek healing

Physical & emotional

Health restored

Love… All of these are mine

Shattered dream

Shattered hope

Magical fairy wand 

Lays unmoved in my lap

I loved you

The dream of you

I love you now

One day I will find you

In my dreams

In my prayers

You will be there

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling

For my best friend- to heal the loss of your little girl & the hysterectomy that chased your dream away. One day…One day.

A Thousand Scrolling Faces

I sat and watched thousands of faces
Scroll in memory of them
They were young
They were old
They held their babies in their arms
They held each other
We watched and I wondered
What brought you to this place?
What heartache?
What pain?
What tragedy?
The smiling faces staring back at me don’t help me understand.
We gather, standing, holding our breath
Waiting for our loved ones face to come on the screen.
They’re gone
They are not coming back to us
To hold
To cherish in our arms
To watch their children grow
We are the ones left waiting
Wanting more for those smiling in the scrolling pictures than they wanted for themselves
I’m broken
I want to know their story
I want to know why
And then I see her
Holding her breath
Camera poised
To catch a glimpse of her son
Anxious
He can’t be missed
Never forgotten
None of them ever will be
The tears come for what we wish could have been
What should have been
Heroin destroys families
Hold on to hope
Get help
We love you
We miss you

“All I wanna do is make a difference, some way, somehow….maybe create a few smiles in the process.”
Christopher Holland 10/16/85- 3/7/2016