Craving Everything

I’ll keep stepping

Because that is what I do

Disappointment vibrates

Through me

Lack of authenticity

Sorely lacking

Thoughts in head 

Disappear 

Like a vapor

Dust

It was never real

It was never going to be enough

The mantra repeats- 

Enough is never good enough

Toe-to-toe I fold

Like a Van Gogh painting

Screaming 

Bummed at the loss

Of nothing

But 

Craving everything

Now There Are Five

Now There Are Five

One departed on a Sunday

Scott on a Monday

He always did have Monday-itis

“Peace out suckers” I can hear him say…

Football season filled with Sunday games

Sweats and slippers, fire glowing in the fireplace

Scott made Sunday football huge

He had some pipes and rage!

His blue eyes always twinkling

Stubborn as a mule

He cared for me, my tough brother

Captain Crunch cereal in the middle of the night

In Jericho when his blood sugar dipped too low

We ate dry cereal in fistfuls

Four wheeling, whoop-de-doos, high signs and alcohol

Big brother time was always an adventure

Chevy truck over 25 years old…Scott was consistent

He’d snicker at hidden secrets and jokes

Always made silly, crazy faces

Loved the term, “Oh my hell”…

Horrible dancer, but so much fun to watch

His grilled steaks and chicken were the best

Always a bottle of Jack in one hand

Hardest worker I’ve ever known

Super blunt, a little too raw for most

He loved his boys

He’d do anything for you

Didn’t matter how much time passed…

He was always there and we never skipped a beat

He fought his type I Diabetes like a champion his entire life

But in the end…at age 52.. it fought back and won.

I had seven brothers… now there are five.

Stay

Please let me stay

I don’t want to go

Over there

Finger pointing

To the dark window

On the second floor

Orange blanket

Blows outside the 

Window

Please don’t leave me

Small hand gripping

In panic

Belly growls

Hungry

Curled up on the 

Washer machine

Covered in a military blanket

Shhhhhhh

Don’t tell them 

I’m here, ok?

Please feed me

I need love

I can’t say if I’ve ever

Known true love

Unconditionally

Please let me stay

Just for a minute

Where it’s safe

And I feel loved

Not alone

Ten years old

I shouldn’t 

Feel so all alone

Please let me shower

And borrow 

Your clothes

I don’t know how to wash 

Can you help me?

Do you see me?

I’m ten years old

And I’ve never known

Safety 

Never known 

A warm bed &

Soft pillows 

A full belly

Three hot meals a day

Unknown to me

Please let me stay

I don’t want to go

Over there

Finger point to the dark window 

On the second floor 

Gardenias & Peach Roses

Dying in the hospital bed

Soft skin, ice chips

Lips cracked and parched

Distended stomach

IVs gurgling in and out of veins

Tumors running rampant

Swallowing internal organs for snacks

A five year battle- ovarian cancer

Touching hands, kissing fingertips- Internalized prayer

“God, if you make her better, 

I will take her place.”

Not better

Emotional pain for those waiting

Sorrow

Tears

Monitors blink

Family members fidget in chairs 

Like little girls having to pee

Opting to hold it for as long 

As they possibly can

Last snuggle in the hospital bed 

Your last sweet breath tickling her ears

Death in her arms

Gardenias and peach roses

The funeral was beautiful

Such a beautiful day

Oh to touch your soft skin one more time

Sun so bright

Orange leaves speckle the mountainside

Hazy sadness lurking behind eyes 

Tears rolling down cheeks

Feeling faint

Sobbing, grabbing at arms…any

A peach rose in hand

Puzzled faces as I drop peach roses and gardenias on a cherry wood casket

I’ll remember her

Every time I see a peach rose or smell gardenias on a sunny day,

I will think of her

Jeni McCreary

*Dedicated to my Grandma Joyce, my Mom & my Aunties. No child should have to hold their parent in their arms when they die, but maybe it is a blessing? My Mom is the little girl in the sweet dress.

Casualties of War

Casualties of War

Father screams for his son

Lying limp in his arms

Needing help, desperate for it

As bombs explode overhead

Casualties of War

Chaos 

Burned flesh

Their scent blowing in the air

Little boy with eyes missing

Can you hear him weeping?

For his children?

Both sides, all his

Casualties of War

Tears, wailing, all wanting quiet

A little peace

A little joy

A chance to be free

Faces silent, mourning

Still living

Eyes staring darkly into photo lenses

Hostility growing

Mothers wailing the loss of their children

Food delivered

Running for safety

Casualties of War

Sirens blaring

Civilians trying to get food

Suddenly are on the ground

Praying they are not next

Casualties of War

Death

Alone 

Dying, both sides

Bloody babies cradled 

In weeping mothers’ arms

Casualties of War

Can you hear him weeping?

Silent Sentries

Silent sentries 

Standing in murky mud

Heads bowed in defeat

Large yellow bulldozers stand guard

Wary of the unified Wood Storks

That have gathered

Muddy, silent, hungry

Unified Wood Storks poised, patient, waiting…

Frogs croak lazily, not realizing 

They are surrounded

Fifty strong sentries standing 

In murky mud- hungry

Frogs suddenly silenced 

Swimming in warm bellies

Large yellow bulldozers nervously 

Await their fate

From the silent sentries standing guard

In the murky mud

Tragedy Happens

Misunderstood

Judgments crept in

Minds made up

BOOM

Tragedy happens

Too many times in succession

Suddenly the haze clears 

Everything becomes crystal clear

Appreciation for our now

This moment

Please understand

Initially we misunderstood each other

Now I see you in their eyes

Their actions

The way they talk

The way they walk

The way they laugh

Small details in the most

Intricate things

Witty sayings

Silly ways

You’re still here

We are more for it

Shouldn’t we honor those in our now? 

Adore them?

Love them?

Cherish them? 

Misunderstandings happen

Maybe we should always think about

Positive intention

Family-to-family

Friends-to-friends

Sometimes altered forever

Thankful for the gift 

Of tragedy 

It reminds us of what is true

In our lives

Right now