grief – strengthdefined

Imperfectly Perfect

The light shimmered and danced

Along the ocean waves

Sand pipers ran to catch periwinkle

A glimmer catches

Attention

A beautiful shell

Cracked & broken

And another

A reminder that

Right now

This moment

It’s ok to feel

What you need to feel

Be what you need to be

To realize that even

In your imperfections

You’re still perfect

Right now

As you are, today

So give yourself

A little credit

A little praise

You’re not the person

You were yesterday

Tomorrow

You won’t be the person

You are today

Embrace your now

Love, cry, feel, be, enjoy

Find your happy

In quiet

In the waves

Stirring up beautiful

Broken seashells

That will remain

Imperfectly perfect

Just like you

Brokenness

Your love story

Enchanting

It gave people hope

It gave them joy

When the police appeared

Shock vibrated

You folded into arms

Weeping on shoulders

We cried with you

It triggered sadness

For a love story

That wasn’t

A reminder of realness

Of human behavior gone wrong

Choices made derailing

Everything

Cried for the brokenness

Of you

Of hope

Of missing love

Things will never be the same

You must keep going

Lift your head

Don’t look back

Don’t go back

In the brokenness

You will find your strength

And yourself

Your love story

Is still waiting

When you heal

And the brokenness molds you

Into something stronger

And even more precious

The best is yet to come

Don’t settle

Ever again

For now… mend

The Courage to Be Still

The courage to be still

That’s a hard one

I’ve lived the last six years

Ensuring I’m not still

Being still forces the

shhhhh…

Reflection

Pondering

Dealing with emotion

Work through mourning

Tackling anger

It’s so much easier

To NOT be still

Being still clears your head

Makes you cry

Forces you to work through

Your stuff… the junk

It’s not fun

It takes courage to be still

To heal

To change

To grow

To be a better human

But you have to find

Your courage

You have to want it

And sit in it

Your junk

All those pieces & parts

To change and heal

Even when afraid

Of the pain

It takes courage to

Be still

Please be still…

Compelled

To Red Rock Canyon

To climb and hike

And be

To breathe

To feel the hot Vegas sunshine on my face & shoulders

I HAD to be there

Couldn’t not go

I had to share this beautiful place

With my friends

I stared up the mountain trail

Already half way up

I knew… I had to run the rest of the way up

My feet started to chop

Digging in to slippery gravel & rocks

My lungs burned

Not use to the altitude

Her voice in my head: you can do this honey, you can

I can do anything I set my mind too

Once at the top I wanted to pass out

Near asthma attack

But I did it

Climbing mountains in life is tough

But we will make it

The way down will be so much sweeter

Joy is coming, it will come back

My brother… dumbfounded

What compelled you to Red Rock Canyon?

Me: I couldn’t NOT be there, I felt driven to be

Brother: you do know I scattered Mom’s ashes all through that canyon?

Tilt!

Tears… I was beckoned there…

Love, grit and peace

Compelled

Red Rock Canyon, 9/29/18

Roller coaster

Grief like a roller coaster

Down

High

Low

Up has been longer

Until recently

Seeing your blue eyes everywhere

Your silly sneezes

Your outlandish sunglasses

Orange skies painted just for me

Reached for the phone

Wishing we could chat

Talked out loud to you several times

Need some solid Mama advice

Louie Armstrong randomly played,

“La Vie En Rose”

Closing my eyes and oh the memories…

Your awful singing

Our awkward dancing

Falling into each other’s arms laughing

Need you now more than ever

Your paintings everywhere

They make me happy

Headed to Vegas & I wonder

Will I find you there?

Vegas your home for over 22 years

The memories

The missing

The joy

Of you… everywhere

Grief like a roller coaster

Down

High

Low

image: Google image

Time

Repentance to others takes time

Often it’s never enough

Wounds are too deep

For others to accept

Salt water may cleanse the wound

But healing takes patience & time

Time we don’t have

Imagination is worse than reality

Yet reality can’t be heard

Or processed

Leaving wounds open

Picking at wounds never help

Picking at scabs when close to healing

Opens everything again

Prayers go up

And up

Where is the faith?

Lost it along the way?

No repentance will offer resolution

Or acceptance

Or forgiveness

Maybe forgiveness comes

In just letting go

Of the wounds?

Of each other?

Of the past?

Of the hurt?

Acceptance that things will never be the same again

Regardless of forgiveness

The decision that it is done

Done done

When do the wounds heal?

What makes repentance meaningful?

When does healing come?

Mentally?

Emotionally?

Physically?

Let go and let God?

Easier said than done

Wounds ooze as they heal

The process takes time

Time is something we don’t have

Or do we?

You

Will

When

You’re

Ready

Time

Unmovable

Set your mind to it

Whatever your IT is

Make a plan

Get to stepping

Life will derail you

Stay unmovable

Know where your strength comes from

Be honest with yourself

Vocalize your dreams, your goals, your plans

Heal

Inside & out

Topple over- get back up

You are unmovable

You can do this

You are more than you give yourself credit for

Get help

Find courage

Be Brave

You’ve got this

No fear

See joy around you, but grab some for yourself

It’s ok to cry… let it out and let it go

You are unmovable

And awesome

You can

You will

You are

There is a hope and a plan for your future

And it is good

Rock solid

Unmovable