You have something to say
But throat constricts
In fear
Can you be raw
Even in the hurt
I’ll take you
Wounded
Even with poor examples
Giving forgiveness
Sitting at your feet
Sweating
Just wanting you to know
I love you anyway
Regardless of your mistakes
Simply because I choose you
Unconditionally
Light fractures into the bedroom
Sleepy eyes watching from bed
The prisms of light kiss the walls
And rebound around the room
Close my eyes
Not ready to get up
Sadness vibrating
Mourning what feels like
Everything
I dose again- not the normal
Three hours later
I open my eyes
Only to see light dancing
Across the bedroom wall
The floor shimmers
Where did my resilience go?
I was born tough
But not today
I close my eyes again
Sinking deep under the covers
Images and faces haunt me
I fall back to sleep
Crying
1 p.m. I wake again, swollen-eyes
Mourning
Light still resilient, patiently
Fracturing the walls and floor
I raise my hand and trace the light with my fingertips
The shimmering patterns of the sunshine is
Beautiful
I am beautiful
My heart, my mind, my body
Is beautiful
Deep sigh, inhale a long breath in
I force myself out of bed
The dogs are waiting for me at the bedroom door
I step
Trying to shake off the heaviness of
Life decisions
Hard decisions
My resilience feels
Shakey
I put on boxing gloves
And begin to pound the heavy bag
I am strong
I am tough
I am remarkable
The sunshine continues to fracture around me
Circling me in its beautiful, dancing light
It is resilient
So am I
It was a Monday
Laid up at home
Left kidney screaming
Flopping around like a fish
Anxious, turned on Oprah
Topic of ‘dying’ with
Dr. Pausch’s last lecture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
Pondering
Thinking
Crying
What would you do different
If you knew you were going to die in 3-6 months?
What would you change and why?
Why wait?
Don’t wait
Don’t waste any more time
Your life is calling
Are you listening?
Listen
You are
You do
You can
You will
Don’t waste any more time
A little bit brash
A whole lot of funny
Best damn mango martini’s you’ll ever have
The love of his ladies
All over his face when he stood watching each of you
Each of you fly and grow and become the beautiful women
That you are today
He’s proud and honored
To call you wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, family…
A mentor
A champion
A fighter
Hilarious
His eyes twinkled mischievously and
That laugh
My God what a laugh with head tipped back
Or slapping a knee
He believed anything was possible
With hard work
Focus
And a little pain…
You carry on
You must
Stay bold
As he was
He wouldn’t want it
Any other way
Jeni McCreary
*Jerry Miller 1/6/2017 RIP
Hard lined, edgy
Frustrated, wanting more
Enough is never good enough
Twelve years old
I can do it by myself
Never to return again
To a mother’s arms
Wall so tall
Run straight to conflict
Hard issues- handled
Tough jobs- done
Delicate tea cups- crushed
I don’t need anybody or anything
Castle
Twenty-five years later
In the middle of a class
God decides to push
The healing button
Twenty pairs of eyes, on me
Hysteria
Alligator tears
Soaked shirt
Tear stained notes
Best friends and family
Who hold my hands
And smile
Oh so knowing smiles
No one appears to be surprised
But me
I’ve spent my entire life
In conflict
Survival
A bull
Snorting
Raging
In a china shop
Quieted now for a time
Refined, changed
Delicate tea cups
Expectantly waiting
Catching rain
Healing rain
Bring the rain
Jeni M.
PHOTO BY: Dan Gee “Bull in a China Shop”, American Fine Art
When it seems like I have been here forever
I dream of the rustic, tree lined mountain top
And my rock overlooking the city
Where I sit for hours
To contemplate life
Scented wild flowers unplug my
City polluted nostrils
I run free as can be, smiling
A fuzzy brown rabbit scurries under the tree
The sun winks down
My thoughts carry back to you
Stirring from my daydream
I look out the dusty window
Watch as the heavy fog crowds in around the city
It begins to rain
A deep sigh escapes my lips
I return to my work
It seems like I have been here forever
For what it’s worth:
It’s never too late or,
in my case, too early to be
whoever you want to be.
There’s no limit,
stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same,
There are no rules
To this thing. We can make
the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you
see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things
You never felt before.
I hope you meet people with
A different point of view.
I hope you live a life
You’re proud of. If you
find that you’re not, I hope
you have the courage
To start all over again.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
