Gardenias & Peach Roses

Dying in the hospital bed

Soft skin, ice chips

Lips cracked and parched

Distended stomach

IVs gurgling in and out of veins

Tumors running rampant

Swallowing internal organs for snacks

A five year battle- ovarian cancer

Touching hands, kissing fingertips- Internalized prayer

“God, if you make her better, 

I will take her place.”

Not better

Emotional pain for those waiting

Sorrow

Tears

Monitors blink

Family members fidget in chairs 

Like little girls having to pee

Opting to hold it for as long 

As they possibly can

Last snuggle in the hospital bed 

Your last sweet breath tickling her ears

Death in her arms

Gardenias and peach roses

The funeral was beautiful

Such a beautiful day

Oh to touch your soft skin one more time

Sun so bright

Orange leaves speckle the mountainside

Hazy sadness lurking behind eyes 

Tears rolling down cheeks

Feeling faint

Sobbing, grabbing at arms…any

A peach rose in hand

Puzzled faces as I drop peach roses and gardenias on a cherry wood casket

I’ll remember her

Every time I see a peach rose or smell gardenias on a sunny day,

I will think of her

Jeni McCreary

*Dedicated to my Grandma Joyce, my Mom & my Aunties. No child should have to hold their parent in their arms when they die, but maybe it is a blessing? My Mom is the little girl in the sweet dress.

Tragedy Happens

Misunderstood

Judgments crept in

Minds made up

BOOM

Tragedy happens

Too many times in succession

Suddenly the haze clears 

Everything becomes crystal clear

Appreciation for our now

This moment

Please understand

Initially we misunderstood each other

Now I see you in their eyes

Their actions

The way they talk

The way they walk

The way they laugh

Small details in the most

Intricate things

Witty sayings

Silly ways

You’re still here

We are more for it

Shouldn’t we honor those in our now? 

Adore them?

Love them?

Cherish them? 

Misunderstandings happen

Maybe we should always think about

Positive intention

Family-to-family

Friends-to-friends

Sometimes altered forever

Thankful for the gift 

Of tragedy 

It reminds us of what is true

In our lives

Right now

Ballerina Twirling

Ballerina Twirling

She turned

I smile

Reached for her

Twirling in a pink ballerina costume

Dark brown eyes sparkle, flecks of green

Long eye lashes

Curly dark brown hair falls over one eye

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling

Magical fairy wand plays a silly tune

Giggles, laughter

My breath is torn from me

Sitting silent

Feeling alone

Watching my sons

Blinking loudly

Hope dashing

Husband’s sad eyes

Precious pink ballerina not twirling

Not for me

Not yesterday

Not today

Hysterectomy 

Gone

Seek healing

Physical & emotional

Health restored

Love… All of these are mine

Shattered dream

Shattered hope

Magical fairy wand 

Lays unmoved in my lap

I loved you

The dream of you

I love you now

One day I will find you

In my dreams

In my prayers

You will be there

Twirling, twirling, twirling, twirling

For my best friend- to heal the loss of your little girl & the hysterectomy that chased your dream away. One day…One day.

Even When

I had the joy of being the guest speak on PF Women Radio today.  I shared this poem at the end; enjoy the listen and below is the poem.

http://WWW.blogtalkradio.com/pfwomen/2016/08/11/health-is-not-just-physical-3-part-series-on-wellness-mind-body-and-spirit

EVEN WHEN…

Even when you can’t take one more breath,

You doubt

You cry

You can’t imagine life alone

You feel unworthy

Unnecessary

You feel afraid and lonely

You’re hungry

You’re sad

You stand in disbelief

You think you can’t do this for one more second

Let alone one more day

The walls feel like they are crumbling in around you

You no longer have joy

Your marriage isn’t something you hoped it would be

The pain gets so great, you wonder if you will ever be the same again

Your children no longer want you in their lives… they’re grown

You picked out a name and the miscarriage took that name and dream away…Multiple times

You miss your Mom who died too soon

And you simply want to stop crying

You struggle to let go and let God

The diagnosis is death

You mourn those who have died

You think you will never be the same again

Even when one or all of these things are true

In this moment

This is NOT the end of your story

God is our life, our strength, our hope, our redeemer, our rainbow after the storm

Our everything

Our What’s Next

Our miracle

Our healer

Our joy

Our warrior

Our peace

Our everything

Even when it seems like the walls are crumbling around you

Hold on to Him

He’s got this, He’s fighting for you

He rights the wrongs

He fights for us

He holds every tear in his hands

He is for us

He loves us

 

Even when you think things will ALWAYS be this way

God says… Not today

God says… I am here

God says… I love you

God says… follow me

 

Even when…