brothers – strengthdefined

The Courage to Be Still

The courage to be still

That’s a hard one

I’ve lived the last six years

Ensuring I’m not still

Being still forces the

shhhhh…

Reflection

Pondering

Dealing with emotion

Work through mourning

Tackling anger

It’s so much easier

To NOT be still

Being still clears your head

Makes you cry

Forces you to work through

Your stuff… the junk

It’s not fun

It takes courage to be still

To heal

To change

To grow

To be a better human

But you have to find

Your courage

You have to want it

And sit in it

Your junk

All those pieces & parts

To change and heal

Even when afraid

Of the pain

It takes courage to

Be still

Please be still…

Compelled

To Red Rock Canyon

To climb and hike

And be

To breathe

To feel the hot Vegas sunshine on my face & shoulders

I HAD to be there

Couldn’t not go

I had to share this beautiful place

With my friends

I stared up the mountain trail

Already half way up

I knew… I had to run the rest of the way up

My feet started to chop

Digging in to slippery gravel & rocks

My lungs burned

Not use to the altitude

Her voice in my head: you can do this honey, you can

I can do anything I set my mind too

Once at the top I wanted to pass out

Near asthma attack

But I did it

Climbing mountains in life is tough

But we will make it

The way down will be so much sweeter

Joy is coming, it will come back

My brother… dumbfounded

What compelled you to Red Rock Canyon?

Me: I couldn’t NOT be there, I felt driven to be

Brother: you do know I scattered Mom’s ashes all through that canyon?

Tilt!

Tears… I was beckoned there…

Love, grit and peace

Compelled

Red Rock Canyon, 9/29/18

Be Careful

Be careful of words

Words are everything

A love language

Affirming words

Words get you thinking

Dreaming

Hoping

Words that don’t take flight

Empty words

Not real- dash a spirit

Words that meant nothing…

Wound a soul

Be careful of words

Angry words, cursing words

Your now

Your future

Depend on words

That bring life

Brush off

Ill spoken words

Right off your shoulder

Never let them stick

Speak your own words

Of life

Your dreams

Your hopes

Write the words you want

In your now

Your future

Be careful of words

Speak life

And joy

Hold your tongue

In silence

To not crush spirits

But only light up

Your soul

Speak words over

Your life

As if they’ve already happened

Be careful of words

They

Are

Everything

Or can be… nothing

You choose

But know

And believe that

your words matter

Real or fake

So be careful of words

Believe

Believe that you have worth

And are worthy

Believe in your dreams, especially the ones

Hidden away that you are too afraid to unlock

For fear of failure… those dreams will change you & the world!

Believe that your life has meaning

You were made to be great and to be awesome!

Believe that voice that whispers…

You can… when you fear that you can’t take

One more step

Believe in taking a breath

And seeing the beauty that is all around you

Every day, right now

Believe that you are essential

You are irreplaceable and needed

Believe in God who is longing to be good to you

Wanting you to be captivated by Him

Believe in hope and your future

Your purpose in this life is bigger than you realize

Or could wish for

Believe in the power of your words

Call your circumstances forward as you want them to be

Not as they are

Believe in greater

Believe in that little child version of you who was so fearful and just wanted to be held

In their Mother’s arms…from the moment you were born you were

Hers and she loved you

Believe that you are wanted and cherished

Believe in strength and endurance for all that you’ve gone through

For it has molded you into your purpose, not your wall.

Believe in quiet, that stillness that gives you pause, a breath

So deep your soul perches in happiness as you close

Your eyes, if only for a moment for that break

That connection to something bigger and greater than yourself

Believe in yourself! That you can do anything you set your mind to!

Believe in victory & joy, it’s OK to laugh and be happy

You deserve it

Believe in giggles and belly laughter

Believe that you are loved more than you can comprehend

Believe in beauty, beauty draws us to God

Believe in the radiance that is in you

Seek that hidden part of your heart

For it is that part you and others so

Desperately need

Believe in change

Believe you can and you will

Believe in now, that everything is exactly how it should be

For now

Believe in the love you poured into others and to

Your children…it was not wasted.

It did make a difference

Believe you make a difference to those around you

To family, to friends, to strangers, to life

To live

Simply Believe

Been Here

When it seems like I have been here forever

I dream of the rustic, tree lined mountain top

And my rock overlooking the city

Where I sit for hours

To contemplate life

Scented wild flowers unplug my

City polluted nostrils

I run free as can be, smiling

A fuzzy brown rabbit scurries under the tree

The sun winks down

My thoughts carry back to you

Stirring from my daydream

I look out the dusty window

Watch as the heavy fog crowds in around the city

It begins to rain

A deep sigh escapes my lips

I return to my work

It seems like I have been here forever

For What It’s Worth…

For what it’s worth:

It’s never too late or,

in my case, too early to be

whoever you want to be.

There’s no limit,

stop whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same,

There are no rules

To this thing. We can make

the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.

And I hope you

see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things

You never felt before.

I hope you meet people with

A different point of view.

I hope you live a life

You’re proud of. If you

find that you’re not, I hope

you have the courage

To start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Bike Was Green

Christmas Day

The homeless came

Needy

Hungry

Scared

Tired

I see him

Huddled with his family

Together at one table

Crouching low, I smile at him

He refuses to look at me

Grandmother with missing teeth

Hisses, “He’s a freak!”

Rocking back on my heels I falter

A freak?

I tap his small thin shoulder

“That’s OK- I’m a freak too!”

Unity! His head snaps up, a bright smile

Connection!

We are both freaks

His crusty plate of eggs get gulped up within 30 seconds

I retch watching

Tears pool in my eyes

The only meal he’ll get today

I slide a mini-candy bar towards him

Smile grows brighter

Brown eyes twinkle

Candy bar destroyed in less than 1.5 seconds

Behind me I hear the rustle of gifts distributed

His gift is a used bike

The bike was green

Bright green with white racing stripes

A torn white seat; sealed with gray duct tape

At age seven, his first bike all his own

His smile illuminating like the sun

Bear hug

Racing out the door

Zooming his bright green bike

Zigging left, zagging right

We deliver more food to his home

The shack of a home

Bricks cracking

Stairs broken

Roof sloped and tattered

A 10X10 shack housing six or more

Sweet black kitten with ribs jutting out

Meows softly a warm hello winding around my ankle

We unload our small donations

Greeted with tears and elation

There he goes

Jumping on his bike

Zigging left, zagging right

The bike was green

The smile was blinding

Jeni McCreary

*** Reflection of our volunteer time during Christmas at a homeless shelter

Distracted

Busy lives keep us

Distracted

Never having to deal

With it, or them, or life

We grind so hard and so long

That it’s easy

To flop into bed

Exhausted

Causing our own exhaustion

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning

Organize, organize, organize

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Can’t stop

Must keep moving

Must keep going

Otherwise we’ll have to deal

With the missing

Missing friends

Missing family

Missing memories

Missing time

Missing dreams

Eaten up with

Must stay busy

Must be busy

Stay “fine”, “I’m good”

The quiet overwhelms

The brain that just wants

Reprieve

From all the planning

All the busy

All the tired

But isn’t it sad

Incredibly sad

That in all the busy

We’re missing

Our children’s giggles

Dogs at our feet wanting attention

The hawk perched in the tree

Staring & hoping that you’ll

Catch a higher vision

For yourself

For your family

For your friends

Is it worth it?

Your inability to slow down?

And enjoy

Who you are

What you are

Whose you are

Right now?

You can’t out run it

Your pain

But one day

When you’re ready

You will heal

And the busy

Will melt

Into a life that is

More centered

More balanced

More peaceful

In the meantime busy lives keep us

Distracted

Never having to deal

With it, or them, or life

Now There Are Five

One departed on a Sunday

Scott on a Monday

He always did have Monday-itis

“Peace out suckers” I can hear him say…

Football season filled with Sunday games

Sweats and slippers, fire glowing in the fireplace

Scott made Sunday football huge

He had some pipes and rage!

His blue eyes always twinkling

Stubborn as a mule

He cared for me, my tough brother

Captain Crunch cereal in the middle of the night

In Jericho when his blood sugar dipped too low

We ate dry cereal in fistfuls

Four wheeling, whoop-de-doos, high signs and alcohol

Big brother time was always an adventure

Chevy truck over 25 years old…Scott was consistent

He’d snicker at hidden secrets and jokes

Always made silly, crazy faces

Loved the term, “Oh my hell”…

Horrible dancer, but so much fun to watch

His grilled steaks and chicken were the best

Always a bottle of Jack in one hand

Hardest worker I’ve ever known

Super blunt, a little too raw for most

He loved his boys

He’d do anything for you

Didn’t matter how much time passed…

He was always there and we never skipped a beat

He fought his type I Diabetes like a champion his entire life

But in the end…at age 52.. it fought back and won.

I had seven brothers… now there are five.

Stay

Please let me stay

I don’t want to go

Over there

Finger pointing

To the dark window

On the second floor

Orange blanket

Blows outside the

Window

Please don’t leave me

Small hand gripping

In panic

Belly growls

Hungry

Curled up on the

Washer machine

Covered in a military blanket

Shhhhhhh

Don’t tell them

I’m here, ok?

Please feed me

I need love

I can’t say if I’ve ever

Known true love

Unconditionally

Please let me stay

Just for a minute

Where it’s safe

And I feel loved

Not alone

Ten years old

I shouldn’t

Feel so all alone

Please let me shower

And borrow

Your clothes

I don’t know how to wash

Can you help me?

Do you see me?

I’m ten years old

And I’ve never known

Safety

Never known

A warm bed &

Soft pillows

A full belly

Three hot meals a day

Unknown to me

Please let me stay

I don’t want to go

Over there

Finger point to the dark window

On the second floor