Empty Red Sleigh

The wind blows gently across the humid night

A dragonfly lands on a piece of vine

The smell of jasmine intoxicates my brain

Tiny feathers of a baby duck float in my hand

The wonders of love and time

Did I ever really know?

Could I only guess?

The empty red sleigh of so long ago

Is still empty today

Without a thought or even regret?

My tough bravado so mean to shine, to dream

Kisses upon my forehead

Laughter upon your lips

Your lashes are as long as whips

Blueberries and cream

All those impossible things

Like sugar in iced tea that never dissolves

But still wet

One wonders why your hand is blue

Your heart cold as steel

Like the bitter aspirin I tried so hard to swallow

What do you need my dear?

What can I bring?

Can I bring you flowers on a cold day that fills your heart with love?

Can I bring you my kisses?

Oh, how they use to mean so much!

Honeybees and trinket locks

Lost in time and rust forgot

The splendid dreams and goals that were never meant for me

Long leisurely naps of gold

To erase that old worn path that deemed to be…

Me

Trodden and spoiled, forever soiled

The beauty of that part that tickles my heart never rings

Sunglasses with hazy sadness lurking behind my eyes

Little girl blue in stockings and lace

If only you could see your face

What happened to the sunshine when the clouds came

And knocked you to the ground?

Get up!

Breath, dream, feel and touch

Paranoid places in dark mystic faces

That no one cares to cross or touch

Reality a given, long and hidden

Letting the world fly by

Wanting so much

Asking so little

Always subject to eyes

You are too big

You are too tall

Well let me say how small you are my dear

My laughter and my tears

Goals made of jelly

Sticky at the slightest touch

Butterflies whisper the secret of a long-forgotten love

Build up that wall

Stick to your guns

Fight, fight, fight, fight

Blue jays in a ruckus, ducks talking tomorrow

I am only saying, “Tonight”

Care to hear that story of one so long ago

That whispered clever says of a not so clever man

I need you, I want you

But wait…lies, hidden contacts, no authenticity

What were those words spoken with a smile on your part?

Ah yes, it is coming back to me like syrup over biscuits

You do not want me

School of style on a column page

Progress in its finest

Etiquette on your knees

Please let me tell you

Oh, hear me say

I loved the thought of you

What could and never will be

Little red sleigh

Slides to my feet

Empty again

Should that surprise me?

Alas, my guess would be

It has always been there

And so sad… always, always empty

* I wrote this poem over twenty years ago.  Let only a few read it. Dusting off some old pieces and sharing. Sometimes to heal, we need to let go of the past.

Jeni M.

The Bike Was Green

Christmas Day

The homeless came 

Needy

Hungry 

Scared

Tired

I see him

Huddled with his family

Together at one table

Crouching low, I smile at him

He refuses to look at me

Grandmother with missing teeth

Hisses, “He’s a freak!”

Rocking back on my heels I falter

A freak?

I tap his small thin shoulder

“That’s OK- I’m a freak too!”

Unity! His head snaps up, a bright smile

Connection! 

We are both freaks

His crusty plate of eggs get gulped up within 30 seconds

I retch watching

Tears pool in my eyes

The only meal he’ll get today

I slide a mini-candy bar towards him

Smile grows brighter

Brown eyes twinkle

Candy bar destroyed in less than 1.5 seconds

Behind me I hear the rustle of gifts distributed

His gift is a used bike

The bike was green

Bright green with white racing stripes

A torn white seat; sealed with gray duct tape

At age seven, his first bike all his own

His smile illuminating like the sun

Bear hug

Racing out the door

Zooming his bright green bike

Zigging left, zagging right

We deliver more food to his home

The shack of a home

Bricks cracking

Stairs broken

Roof sloped and tattered

A 10X10 shack housing six or more

Sweet black kitten with ribs jutting out

Meows softly a warm hello winding around my ankle

We unload our small donations

Greeted with tears and elation

There he goes

Jumping on his bike

Zigging left, zagging right

The bike was green

The smile was blinding

Jeni McCreary

*** Reflection of our volunteer time during Christmas at a homeless shelter 

Beautiful Bricks

Patiently waiting

Hoping & longing

For a sign, a direction

A brick, momentum

Murky rut for years

He’s wanting to, waiting to

To be good to me

Calling me

Saving me

Bookstore

Customer Service Desk

Teach a class

Youth? Not my calling

God- hit me with a brick, I said…

Raging storm

Lightening cracking

Every where

Anxiety

Doorbell rings

Door opens

Welcomed embrace

A brick, smiles at me

Another brick

Another

And another…

Twenty beautiful bricks

Beat me

Speak to me

Tug at my heart

I am broken

I am found

I am released

On fire bricks

Changed me

Altered my path

My journey

My direction

My momentum

I will never

Ever

Be the same again

Twenty

Beautiful bricks!

**** Jacob Eaddy loved this story/poem that he turned it into a song that he sang for NFA you can see that here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiwHg-wEBXc      (2009)