Set Your Own Course

Set your own course

Before, during & after

The storms

Be Brave

Embrace your now

Your truth

Your pain

Your sorrow

Your joy

Your laughter

Your highs

Your lows

You are not alone

This too shall pass

You are not a victim of

Circumstances 

Or

Weak minded

Or a twisted mess

Soon enough your course 

Will straighten out

Sure it’s a pinch crooked

A little bent

The journey will make you

A lot stronger

So heal

Let go

Take a breath

Do something you’d 

Never do

Be startled

No fear

No regrets

Lightening too close

Stand a little taller  

Walk it out

I see you

Really see

Deep into your eyes

The truth reflecting 

In the mirror

Be bold

Stay grateful

For every breath

Don’t you dare

Look back

You’re not going 

That way

Believe 

Set your own course

And go

 

 

photo: Google search

Resilience

Light fractures into the bedroom

Sleepy eyes watching from bed

The prisms of light kiss the walls

And rebound around the room

Close my eyes

Not ready to get up

Sadness vibrating

Mourning what feels like

Everything

I dose again- not the normal

Three hours later

I open my eyes

Only to see light dancing

Across the bedroom wall

The floor shimmers

Where did my resilience go?

I was born tough

But not today

I close my eyes again

Sinking deep under the covers

Images and faces haunt me

I fall back to sleep

Crying

1 p.m. I wake again, swollen-eyes

Mourning

Light still resilient, patiently

Fracturing the walls and floor

I raise my hand and trace the light with my fingertips

The shimmering patterns of the sunshine is

Beautiful

I am beautiful

My heart, my mind, my body

Is beautiful

Deep sigh, inhale a long breath in

I force myself out of bed

The dogs are waiting for me at the bedroom door

I step

Trying to shake off the heaviness of

Life decisions

Hard decisions

My resilience feels

Shakey

I put on boxing gloves

And begin to pound the heavy bag

I am strong

I am tough

I am remarkable

The sunshine continues to fracture around me

Circling me in its beautiful, dancing light

It is resilient

So am I

Jasper’s Looking Glass

Jasper grab your petticoat

Lift it high about your head

Can you feel the blowing cotton tickle your belly button?

Did you hear the thunder Jasper?

Can you feel the wind?

Don’t you think we really ought to go in?

Mommy is calling Jasper

Gather your things

Oh your dress is so lovely

Do you think Mommy will mind the mud?

Bright eyes, a gently scolding from a beautiful person

How clear her eyes sparkle in the dark

Roll over Jasper,

Don’t hug your knees

You’re ok as long as you’re with me

Life plays its tricks

Time goes by

How the laughter went unnoticed

Is it really true that time heals all wounds?

I don’t feel release of this fire

See the embers Jasper?

Watch them glow

Didn’t you know?

That they would burn and blister?

But they say time heals all wounds

Can you truly forget?

By and by I long,

I yearn

When will the strings of sadness stop to pull

And smiles begin to start?

They don’t

How come?

Do I have to love in sadness?

You will always love

I won’t…

You do now

I know

White petticoat, bare feet

My how you’ve grown since I last saw you

You remember me?

A twitch a glow, something forgotten

I would rather stop and slow then know

That my love was never enough

At least from me to you and around again

How much did you love me?

You knew

I didn’t

You said, you made your choice

I am sorry

It stings

I know

You couldn’t possibly remember

I wish I could

But never cared

Never needed to

How lonely for you

Jasper? Are you asleep?

Wake up my dear and drink your tea

Wait- someone is calling me…

Don’t go!

You are dreaming!

I always will

Listen to reality

I feel it, I don’t need to listen

Hold on

I am

Tell him

I have

Love him

I do

Always?

Yes

Good-night Jasper

Good-bye

My how you’ve grown

Never enough

Never is not good enough

What a fool

Only to you

Sweet dreams

I’ll always…

Always?

Always

Good-bye then

Farewell

Jasper lifts up her hands as her petticoat floats above her head.

A hint of a smile shows on her lips

Knowing that one day

She’ll be ok

For What It’s Worth…

For what it’s worth:

It’s never too late or,

in my case, too early to be

whoever you want to be.

There’s no limit,

stop whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same,

There are no rules

To this thing. We can make

the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.

And I hope you

see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things

You never felt before.

I hope you meet people with

A different point of view.

I hope you live a life

You’re proud of. If you

find that you’re not, I hope

you have the courage

To start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

 

 

 

Distracted

Busy lives keep us 

Distracted

Never having to deal

With it, or them, or life

We grind so hard and so long

That it’s easy 

To flop into bed

Exhausted

Causing our own exhaustion

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning

Organize, organize, organize

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 

Can’t stop

Must keep moving

Must keep going

Otherwise we’ll have to deal 

With the missing 

Missing friends

Missing family

Missing memories

Missing time

Missing dreams

Eaten up with 

Must stay busy

Must be busy

Stay “fine”, “I’m good”

The quiet overwhelms

The brain that just wants

Reprieve

From all the planning

All the busy

All the tired

But isn’t it sad

Incredibly sad 

That in all the busy

We’re missing 

Our children’s giggles

Dogs at our feet wanting attention

The hawk perched in the tree

Staring & hoping that you’ll

Catch a higher vision

For yourself

For your family

For your friends

Is it worth it?

Your inability to slow down?

And enjoy 

Who you are

What you are

Whose you are

Right now?

You can’t out run it

Your pain

But one day

When you’re ready

You will heal

And the busy 

Will melt

Into a life that is 

More

More centered 

More balanced 

More peaceful

In the meantime busy lives keep us 

Distracted

Never having to deal

With it, or them, or life

Craving Everything

I’ll keep stepping

Because that is what I do

Disappointment vibrates

Through me

Lack of authenticity

Sorely lacking

Thoughts in head 

Disappear 

Like a vapor

Dust

It was never real

It was never going to be enough

The mantra repeats- 

Enough is never good enough

Toe-to-toe I fold

Like the Edvard Munich painting

Screaming 

Bummed at the loss

Of nothing

But 

Craving everything

Only Son

An only child gone

Wrong choices

Weary decisions

Father sobbing in arms wondering why

Son couldn’t

Wouldn’t listen

Too late… He’s gone.

Brutal, sad tears

A son, an only child gone too soon

His two year old daughter eating crackers perplexed by the crying.

Why was everyone crying? 

Where was her Daddy?

Why will he never tuck her in again?

Kiss her forehead? 

A whisper

Our life is but a whisper

We better live it like a roar

The son asked for Jesus to forgive him… Over and over again 

The Polish Priest administered last rites… 

He found peace

Now may his family

Only son