Resilience

Light fractures into the bedroom

Sleepy eyes watching from bed

The prisms of light kiss the walls

And rebound around the room

Close my eyes

Not ready to get up

Sadness vibrating

Mourning what feels like

Everything

I dose again- not the normal

Three hours later

I open my eyes

Only to see light dancing

Across the bedroom wall

The floor shimmers

Where did my resilience go?

I was born tough

But not today

I close my eyes again

Sinking deep under the covers

Images and faces haunt me

I fall back to sleep

Crying

1 p.m. I wake again, swollen-eyes

Mourning

Light still resilient, patiently

Fracturing the walls and floor

I raise my hand and trace the light with my fingertips

The shimmering patterns of the sunshine is

Beautiful

I am beautiful

My heart, my mind, my body

Is beautiful

Deep sigh, inhale a long breath in

I force myself out of bed

The dogs are waiting for me at the bedroom door

I step

Trying to shake off the heaviness of

Life decisions

Hard decisions

My resilience feels

Shakey

I put on boxing gloves

And begin to pound the heavy bag

I am strong

I am tough

I am remarkable

The sunshine continues to fracture around me

Circling me in its beautiful, dancing light

It is resilient

So am I

Don’t Waste Any More Time

It was a Monday

Laid up at home

Left kidney screaming

Flopping around like a fish

Anxious, turned on Oprah

Topic of ‘dying’ with

Dr. Pausch’s last lecture

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Pondering

Thinking

Crying

What would you do different

If you knew you were going to die in 3-6 months?

What would you change and why?

Why wait?

Don’t wait

Don’t waste any more time

Your life is calling

Are you listening?

Listen

You are

You do

You can

You will

Don’t waste any more time

Jerry Miller

A little bit brash

A whole lot of funny

Best damn mango martini’s you’ll ever have

The love of his ladies

All over his face when he stood watching each of you

Each of you fly and grow and become the beautiful women

That you are today

He’s proud and honored

To call you wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, family…

A mentor

A champion

A fighter

Hilarious

His eyes twinkled mischievously and

That laugh

My God what a laugh with head tipped back

Or slapping a knee

He believed anything was possible

With hard work

Focus

And a little pain…

You carry on

You must

Stay bold

As he was

He wouldn’t want it

Any other way

Jeni McCreary

*Jerry Miller 1/6/2017 RIP

Bull in a China Shop

Hard lined, edgy

Frustrated, wanting more

Enough is never good enough

Twelve years old

I can do it by myself

Never to return again

To a mother’s arms

Wall so tall

Run straight to conflict

Hard issues- handled

Tough jobs- done

Delicate tea cups- crushed

I don’t need anybody or anything

Castle

Twenty-five years later

In the middle of a class

God decides to push

The healing button

Twenty pairs of eyes, on me

Hysteria

Alligator tears

Soaked shirt

Tear stained notes

Best friends and family

Who hold my hands

And smile

Oh so knowing smiles

No one appears to be surprised

But me

I’ve spent my entire life

In conflict

Survival

A bull

Snorting

Raging

In a china shop

Quieted now for a time

Refined, changed

Delicate tea cups

Expectantly waiting

Catching rain

Healing rain

Bring the rain

Jeni M.

PHOTO BY: Dan Gee “Bull in a China Shop”, American Fine Art

Believe

Believe that you have worth

And are worthy

Believe in your dreams, especially the ones

Hidden away that you are too afraid to unlock

For fear of failure… those dreams will change you & the world!

Believe that your life has meaning

You were made to be great and to be awesome!

Believe that voice that whispers…

You can… when you fear that you can’t take

One more step

Believe in taking a breath

And seeing the beauty that is all around you

Every day, right now

Believe that you are essential

You are irreplaceable and needed

Believe in God who is longing to be good to you

Wanting you to be captivated by Him

Believe in hope and your future

Your purpose in this life is bigger than you realize

Or could wish for

Believe in the power of your words

Call your circumstances forward as you want them to be

Not as they are

Believe in greater

Believe in that little child version of you who was so fearful and just wanted to be held

In their Mother’s arms…from the moment you were born you were

Hers and she loved you

Believe that you are wanted and cherished

Believe in strength and endurance for all that you’ve gone through

For it has molded you into your purpose, not your wall.

Believe in quiet, that stillness that gives you pause, a breath

So deep your soul perches in happiness as you close

Your eyes, if only for a moment for that break

That connection to something bigger and greater than yourself

Believe in yourself! That you can do anything you set your mind to!

Believe in victory & joy, it’s OK to laugh and be happy

You deserve it

Believe in giggles and belly laughter

Believe that you are loved more than you can comprehend

Believe in beauty, beauty draws us to God

Believe in the radiance that is in you

Seek that hidden part of your heart

For it is that part you and others so

Desperately need

Believe in change

Believe you can and you will

Believe in now, that everything is exactly how it should be

For now

Believe in the love you poured into others and to

Your children…it was not wasted.

It did make a difference

Believe you make a difference to those around you

To family, to friends, to strangers, to life

To live

Simply Believe