Time

Repentance to others takes time

Often it’s never enough

Wounds are too deep

For others to accept

Salt water may cleanse the wound 

But healing takes patience & time

Time we don’t have

Imagination is worse than reality

Yet reality can’t be heard

Or processed

Leaving wounds open

Picking at wounds never help 

Picking at scabs when close to healing 

Opens everything again

Prayers go up

And up

And up

And up

Where is the faith? 

Lost it along the way? 

No repentance will offer resolution 

Or acceptance

Or forgiveness

Maybe forgiveness comes 

In just letting go

Of the wounds?

Of each other? 

Of the past?

Of the hurt?

Acceptance that things will never be the same again 

Regardless of forgiveness 

The decision that it is done 

Done done

When do the wounds heal?

What makes repentance meaningful?

When does healing come?

Mentally?

Emotionally? 

Physically?

Let go and let God?

Easier said than done 

Wounds ooze as they heal 

The process takes time

Time is something we don’t have 

Or do we?

You

Will

When

You’re

Ready

Time

Only Guests

Humidity over 110%

Blue sky

Puffy white clouds

Mouths open in awe

Taking it all in

Architecture

Cuban cigars & smoke

Everywhere

Cobblestone streets hundreds of years old

Pimp in green shirt

Has right boxing ear

Fast talker

Encourages us to go to hidden location

Goods 50% off

Our brave leader disappears 

With a local panhandler to look at cigars

We stand in the heaviness 

Of a local alley 

Reminded that we don’t belong here

Only guests traveling through

Locals stare, unwelcome faces

Some swear at us in Spanish

Some curse us

Others cat call our beautiful teenagers

Mamas on guard ready to scrap

Stern local police with shot guns

Stare at us like we’re crazy

I believe we may be 

The only guests traveling this ally

We surely took a wrong turn

Leader asks police for picture 

Now they’re contemplating sending 

Crazy Americans to jail

Coffee or shotgun

We choose coffee sprinting away

Dogs with ribs jut out

Running the streets mangy & hungry

They seek solace with us

The pet loving Americans

Santeria priests & priestesses everywhere

Unnerving everyone 

Oh the Cuban coffee smells divine

Beautiful cafes 

Ropa vieja   

Black beans & rice

Mangy kitty with a heart in fur welcomes us to fine dining in the rain 

Salsa music

Maracas

Pregnant women asking for milk for their babies

Havana rum

Mojitos

Fairy forest in the city that is surreal 

Locals every color, eyes vary & stunning 

Not much joy in many of those eyes

An occasional smile 

Old sexy cars in a time warp

The best of the city feels harsh yet beautiful 

Rustic doors, metal work

Laughter with friends & family 

Sweating from the heat

Wet from the rain

We are guests that don’t really belong 

But honor our incredible surroundings

Beaming in simply being together

Catching glimpses of all the beauty & nuances that make up this incredible city of Havana, Cuba (7/12/18)

photos: H. McCreary

Jasper’s Looking Glass

Jasper grab your petticoat

Lift it high about your head

Can you feel the blowing cotton tickle your belly button?

Did you hear the thunder Jasper?

Can you feel the wind?

Don’t you think we really ought to go in?

Mommy is calling Jasper

Gather your things

Oh your dress is so lovely

Do you think Mommy will mind the mud?

Bright eyes, a gently scolding from a beautiful person

How clear her eyes sparkle in the dark

Roll over Jasper,

Don’t hug your knees

You’re ok as long as you’re with me

Life plays its tricks

Time goes by

How the laughter went unnoticed

Is it really true that time heals all wounds?

I don’t feel release of this fire

See the embers Jasper?

Watch them glow

Didn’t you know?

That they would burn and blister?

But they say time heals all wounds

Can you truly forget?

By and by I long,

I yearn

When will the strings of sadness stop to pull

And smiles begin to start?

They don’t

How come?

Do I have to love in sadness?

You will always love

I won’t…

You do now

I know

White petticoat, bare feet

My how you’ve grown since I last saw you

You remember me?

A twitch a glow, something forgotten

I would rather stop and slow then know

That my love was never enough

At least from me to you and around again

How much did you love me?

You knew

I didn’t

You said, you made your choice

I am sorry

It stings

I know

You couldn’t possibly remember

I wish I could

But never cared

Never needed to

How lonely for you

Jasper? Are you asleep?

Wake up my dear and drink your tea

Wait- someone is calling me…

Don’t go!

You are dreaming!

I always will

Listen to reality

I feel it, I don’t need to listen

Hold on

I am

Tell him

I have

Love him

I do

Always?

Yes

Good-night Jasper

Good-bye

My how you’ve grown

Never enough

Never is not good enough

What a fool

Only to you

Sweet dreams

I’ll always…

Always?

Always

Good-bye then

Farewell

Jasper lifts up her hands as her petticoat floats above her head.

A hint of a smile shows on her lips

Knowing that one day

She’ll be ok

Bull in a China Shop

Hard lined, edgy

Frustrated, wanting more

Enough is never good enough

Twelve years old

I can do it by myself

Never to return again

To a mother’s arms

Wall so tall

Run straight to conflict

Hard issues- handled

Tough jobs- done

Delicate tea cups- crushed

I don’t need anybody or anything

Castle

Twenty-five years later

In the middle of a class

God decides to push

The healing button

Twenty pairs of eyes, on me

Hysteria

Alligator tears

Soaked shirt

Tear stained notes

Best friends and family

Who hold my hands

And smile

Oh so knowing smiles

No one appears to be surprised

But me

I’ve spent my entire life

In conflict

Survival

A bull

Snorting

Raging

In a china shop

Quieted now for a time

Refined, changed

Delicate tea cups

Expectantly waiting

Catching rain

Healing rain

Bring the rain

Jeni M.

PHOTO BY: Dan Gee “Bull in a China Shop”, American Fine Art

Been Here

When it seems like I have been here forever

I dream of the rustic, tree lined mountain top

And my rock overlooking the city

Where I sit for hours

To contemplate life

Scented wild flowers unplug my

City polluted nostrils

I run free as can be, smiling

A fuzzy brown rabbit scurries under the tree

The sun winks down

My thoughts carry back to you

Stirring from my daydream

I look out the dusty window

Watch as the heavy fog crowds in around the city

It begins to rain

A deep sigh escapes my lips

I return to my work

It seems like I have been here forever

Be Brave

Be brave

Be bold

Be creative

Stay authentic

Stay courageous

You are worthy

For all you have coming

The best is yet to come

For you

Have hope

Be expectant

I will miss you

I will cry

But I know

You will fly

Do great things

Write that book

Change the world

Find the love of your life

Be intentional

Feel your feels

Heal

Grow- more than you have before

I am your biggest fan

And champion- forever

Be Brave

*For Karina V.- yes you CAN

Jeni McCreary

 

 

 

It’s OK

It’s ok to be vulnerable

It’s ok to be sad

To be happy

To feel elation

Passion

To tell your story 

Share your love

Fragility

Without brokenness

Is possible

With acceptance

Of your tribe

Of yourself

When you look

Really look

Into your own eyes

And see the depths 

Of your own soul 

Staring back

Change anything? 

Do it

Need something?

Ask

Don’t mourn what isn’t

Have joy for what could be

What will be

Stay open

Keep pressing

Never look back

Stop tripping

Over your past hauntings

You’re beyond all that

You’re not going that way

You are enough

Even in your fragility 

It’s who you are

And it’s 

OK