Just Stop

Keep stepping

The mantra

Keep moving

Don’t look back

But we do

Over & over again

Regret nothing

Oh so many regrets

So many battles

Too much grief

Too many things

Left unsaid

But stepping

Feels right

Except the walls

Chunk up

A little taller

A little higher- day-over-day

Survival mode

This stepping

Looking at the future

One day when

Fear creeps in

Fear of failure

Angst

Never enough time

For anyone

Including for yourself

Dark circles under eyes

blood shot eyes- lack of sleep

Just stop

You must stop the stepping

Take them out

one-by-one

To deal with the hurt

The baggage

The pain

It sucks

It hurts

It is hard

All the feelings

Could be better off

Left alone

But not for you

Your growth

To be a better

Human

To appreciate those you love

To find courage

In your now

You can do this

You are more than enough

So just stop

And deal

With it all

And watch yourself

Grow

Bloom

Shine

Brighter

Than you’ve ever

Shined before

You can

You must

Just stop… stepping

And deal

With each battle

Each death

Each regret

Each wound

Each love lost

Each unfulfilled expectation

Each hurt

Each breech to your heart, mind & body

Scrub them clean

No more stepping

Just stop

you

will

when

you’re

ready

So… Just stop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunflower

Sunflower by Halle McCreary (my daughter)

Tall and dangly, with fiery yellow petals rough around each edge

It’s head stretched high in the sky for all of the other flowers to see

                    Sunflower

The other flowers don’t seem to see, the way this sunflower hasn’t looked towards the sun

Creating the illusion that it doesn’t need anyone

                                         Sunflower

But as the wind blows this flower’s petals shift

One by one flying in the wind in a swift lift changing it’s leaves

Showing the revelation that the sunflower has caused it’s own pain

So the sun begins to set, and the sunflower realizes just how much she needs the sun

                                                               Sunflower

Though one day when this flower feels all alone

A small red illuminating lady bug settles on a vibrant flowing yellow petal

The two combined beautiful enough to capture even the attention of a nearby stone

Rays from the sun shining on the sunflower

Showing her that in fact she was NEVER alone

                  Sunflower …

I loved my daughter’s poem so much my half sleeve was born (LA Artist) & her poem took the shoulder piece for the win! 

RAGE

I’m in a rage

Since Mom II died

I haven’t cried

My grief went

Straight to rage

“Mom’s gone”

Pulled a trigger

A moment

Memories

I feel like I am always

Chasing

Memories

I’m tired of everyone

Dying

Pause….

I’m tired of everyone I love dying

So I work out

Like a crazy person

To shake off

Stress

To pound my body

To a place of exhaustion

And clear my head

Clarity needed

Proper channels needed

To not let this

Rage get channeled

To those I love

Who are alive

I’m not trying to

Back-burner

Emotions

I feel the rage

I have expletives

Lots of them

Maybe a bit

Of loud music

Erattic driving

Long hours at work

hmmmmm…

Maybe too many

Fillers and not enough

Shhhhhh……

I don’t have answers

No control

and I’m so sad

This rage burns a little

Too brightly

But only for

A bit

The grief cycle will go on….

 

She’s Dancing Again

She introduced them- my parents

She met me when I was 8 months old

The oopsie baby who rolled over on her living room floor

I was 4 years old when she became Mom #2

At age 6- I spilled blackberry brandy in her purse

What a sticky mess

Beautiful blue eyes with a dark ring around the edges

She was sassy, smart, articulate, and feisty

5’ 2” who didn’t take crap

From anybody

Watching Dad and her dance was a thing of beauty

They loved to dance, they loved to laugh

They were always touching- connected in a way I’ve never seen

Every Sunday I woke to coffee & chocolate chip cookies

She was foxy, those hips in her turquoise bikini turned heads

Cherry Monte Carlo with a T-top- our hair blowing in the wind

We would sing like pop stars to Barry Manilow & Neil Diamond

She gave wise council

Shared life experiences

Had more energy than my Puerto Rican friends

She was fierce, she was fun

She let me drink wine on special and not so special occasions

Taylor Pink Catawba

Oh the parties, the friendships, the jokes

Laughter, always laughter

Everyone loved Hal & Ardena

They never judged

They always would lend a hand

An ear, a hug, a drink

They worked hard, they played hard, and they loved hard

Embraced all

Their home was a place of calm, freedom, honesty

She was an amazing cook- her Italian- AYYYYY

Her idea of fast food was a bucket of KFC

Pool parties

Cherry chocolate chip ice-cream out of the bucket- two spoons

She built her own home, yelled at contractors

Stomped her feet and gave them hell

She had three sons; Army Ranger, still born in Scotland, diabetic Scott who is gone

Now with her

She gave her time, her heart, her continuous support

Without pause

Her life experiences helped her to see angles no one else did

Her perspective was unique and different

No one else saw it until she did

Many times she was misunderstood

Her battle, her passions

But EVERYONE admired her grit, her moxy

Her fierce ability to never let go

I loved her, I will miss her, and I will mourn her

I’m grateful she’s pain free

And with the man she truly loved

She’s dancing again

Cutting up a rug- once again, reunited

In each other’s arms

 For Ardena B. Taylor (11/17/1939 – 4/20/2018)

 

Zombies

They walk
Some fast
Some slow
Some confused
Angry faces
Perplexed faces
Not too many
Smiling
Not too much
Joy
Rushing
Feeling the grind
The get there now
No patience
Time ticks
Loudly
Life is passing
Us by
Risky?
Play it safe?
What
Brings
You peace?
What
Brings
You hope?
Lonely?
Keep moving
Find your self
In the jostling
In the hum
The drum
The heartbeat
Of the
Zombies in life
That push
And shove
Through the
Sea of others doing
The
Same
Thing
Just getting by
The happy
One day when
Not for me
No thanks
Observing
The sludge
The pounding
Of my heart
Of a life truly lived
I don’t regret
My courage
My candor
My truth
My shoulders back
I meet gazes
Directly
Not ashamed
Of who I am
Rocking purple lipstick
Shoulders back
A grin
I see you
I really see
The good
The bad
The ugly
The beauty
The colors
That push by
In a flurry and a scurry
Am I different?
Thank God I am
Hand to chest
I feel my
Own heartbeat
And I smile
Grateful
To be alive
To be
Here
Now
This
Very moment
In an airport
Jostling around
Eyes meeting
I see you
In the jostling
In the hum
The drum
The heartbeat
Of the
Zombies in life
Passing by
Too quickly
Missing
Everything

REGRET

REGRET

Perspective
Intention
Momentum
Is everything
Mixed with a dash
Of courage
Joy
Peace
In your
Core
Balls-to-bones
Your truth
That resonates
And vibrates
Like an audible
Hum
Do you love
Out loud?
Are kind to others?
Offer hope?
Encouragement?
Embrace?
Or does
Your past
Cloud
Your
Everything?
Living in
Remorse?
In regret?
When Death
Comes
Oh it’s coming….
How will you
Be remembered?
How will you
Remember them?
In regret?
With regret?
Should have?
Could have?
Didn’t?
What will you do
When regret
Gets ahold
Of you?
Will you change?
Will you cry?
Will you beat yourself up?
Or will you grow?
Want?
Long?
Morph?
Into a better human?
Will you
Live in the past?
Too much in the future?
Or the now?
No regrets
Perspective
Intention
Momentum
Is everything
Mixed with a dash
Of courage
Joy
Peace
In your
Core
Regret nothing
If
You
Can

Courage

Benjamin Mee said
It only takes
20 seconds of insane courage
For something
Great
To happen
Insane courage
Roars
Loudly
In me
If Only
For 20 seconds
20 seconds
Of momentum
That leads
To a path
Which twists into
A journey
That creates
Change
Growth
Challenges
And
Opportunities
Insane courage
To fight fear
Fight failure
Workout alone
Fly
Pick up the pen
To write again
20 seconds of insane courage
To start a new job
Believe that ANYTHING
Is possible
20 seconds of
Insane courage
To dance
On a roof top
To sumo squat
On a tire
With a 30# weight
Or jog around
The entire strip
Mall
Fighting that inner voice
Saying you can’t
I can
And I did
20 seconds of insane courage
To believe her words
You
Will
When
You
Are
Ready
Courage
It only take 20
Seconds