Who Told You To Be Strong?

Born a fighter

A survivor

A stranger, head tilted

Eyes perplexed asked,

“Who told you

Since you were little

You had to be strong?”

Everyone

Seven brothers

Tackle football, concussions

Shake-it off, be strong

Twelve years old…decided to leave home

For a boarding school

Early decisions, strong decisions

Graduated high school at sixteen

Wonder woman?

Super girl?

Dedicated, focused

Enough was never enough

Stay strong

Be self-sufficient

Rely on yourself

Be strong, live strong

Here I am

Breakable

Back burner…everything

Must keep stepping

Stepping shows strength

No tears, shake it off

But some days I wilt

Tired of the grind

Of the stepping

I’m different

Unique

Purposeful

When do I stop being strong?

I can’t breathe

I just want to breathe…

A loner? A fighter? A survivor?

I use to view life as ‘One day when’, ‘I’ll be good when’…

Not anymore

In my now

Right here

So let’s stop stepping

And deal with the mess

Embrace the now & all it comes with

Cry, write, discuss, pray, breathe

Repeat

Now

Not one day when

He asked the question… a stranger

“Who told you since

you were little you

had to be strong?”

Everyone

But not

Right NOW

 

 

A Thousand Scrolling Faces

I sat and watched thousands of faces
Scroll in memory of them
They were young
They were old
They held their babies in their arms
They held each other
We watched and I wondered
What brought you to this place?
What heartache?
What pain?
What tragedy?
The smiling faces staring back at me don’t help me understand.
We gather, standing, holding our breath
Waiting for our loved ones face to come on the screen.
They’re gone
They are not coming back to us
To hold
To cherish in our arms
To watch their children grow
We are the ones left waiting
Wanting more for those smiling in the scrolling pictures than they wanted for themselves
I’m broken
I want to know their story
I want to know why
And then I see her
Holding her breath
Camera poised
To catch a glimpse of her son
Anxious
He can’t be missed
Never forgotten
None of them ever will be
The tears come for what we wish could have been
What should have been
Heroin destroys families
Hold on to hope
Get help
We love you
We miss you

“All I wanna do is make a difference, some way, somehow….maybe create a few smiles in the process.”
Christopher Holland 10/16/85- 3/7/2016

Hibiscus Girl

Hibiscus Girl

Radiant sunlight
Strawberry blonde hair glowing in the sun
Hot pink cheeks in the Florida sun
Humid, sticky
Run & run, play & run
Laughing
Aussies nipping
Birds chirping
Beautiful hibiscus flowers
Yellow
Hot Pink
Red
Dainty fingers choose hot pink
Huge grin
Proud moment
Outstretched hand
Hot pink hibiscus, plucked before me
Sparkling eyes, love brimming
Memories created & flash
Off again
There she goes
Aussies barking
Poop on shoes
Hibiscus flower tucked in
Strawberry blonde hair glowing in the sun

Jeni McCreary

She was only 69

She was only 69

Blue eyes, button nose

Cute as the dickens

Cancer an unnecessary end

To a life that was precious

and beautiful

She saw the potential in anyone

And anything

“Fake it until you make it”

“Let go & let God”

“You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to”

“You are a King’s kid”

Were all common mantra’s growing up

Painting & art were her stories on canvas

Unique & flamboyant

Orange- was her favorite color

Radiant like the sun

Particular

Everything “Just So”

A place

A space

5 were better than 1…. in anything

OCD

Sloppy Wet Kisses

Long Naps

Snuggled up reading books

Fiercely loyal

Perfect hair, Perfect makeup

Turtlenecks & PJs- her favorite things

Tucking my hair behind my ear

Back rubs

Her sneeze

The best laugh you’ve EVER heard

Oh my God, how I miss her

But she’s with you now

Pain free

Dancing with her Savior

Ravaged by cancer too young

She left us on a Monday

Holding my brother’s hand

She was only 69

Blue eyes & a button nose

She was mine & I miss her

Keep her safe God

Until I see her again

*In honor of my Mama, Christene Smith Kulze.       11/27/1944 – 8/5/2013

Not Untouchable

My first published poem
Titled, ‘Untouchable Rose’
Created for the life you led
And here I am today
Looking at beautiful roses
Dying & wilting
You’ve been untouchable
For almost 5 years now
I can’t see you
I miss you
I need you
Everyone needs their Mom
Regardless of age
And time
Ugly cried
All the way home
Hard workout
Triggered repressed
Grief
Grief in missing you
Grief in my now
Grief for a future
That feels fuzzy
I’m sorry for judging
For not understanding
I get that you did
The best you could
I wish I could hear
Your voice
Listen to that laugh
That was so uniquely
Yours
I heard your voice today
So clearly
“Honey…you will when you’re ready”
You always believed in me
My dreams
My hopes
My writing
My forever champion
How I miss you
You were never
An untouchable rose
I just didn’t get it
Like I get it now
I see your beauty
Everywhere
I smell the wilting roses
And cry

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Small

Crashing waves
Sunrise
Sunlight splinters and winks
A warm hello
Puffy foam floats on shore
Kids scream in the ocean
Bliss
Sand pipers scamper
Fisherman making use
Of the first day light
How small we are
In comparison to this
Roaring ocean
Salt air enveloping a warm hug
Seashells wink and hideaway
The horizon is hazy
But soon
The sun will brighten the day
And light the way
Beckoning your future
But don’t forget to love
Your now
Not just your one-day when
The ocean roars on

Jeni McCreary

Tourniquet

Tourniquet

In a moment
Of madness
Bones splintered
In rage
Fingers swell
Her rings glimmer
Refusing
To stop shining
Reflection of a life well loved
Cared for
A boxers fracture
Rings wrap an unnecessary
Tourniquet
Fighting the status quo
Her grit
That moxie
Determination
To save a finger
And the memories
Of the rings
Representing
Honor
A life lost too soon
She tugged
With all her might
Skin
Bulging over both sides
Slice like razor blades
By the rings that
Held her finger captive
Tears pouring down
Her beautiful face
Blood splatters
Everywhere
Tourniquet
No more
Never ever
Say you can’t do something
You can do
Anything
You set your mind to