Acceptance

I reached for you

In my dream

But you were gone

I heard you call my name

But in the darkness 

I could not find you

I pleaded for you to appear

But you didn’t 

I fell to my knees

In anguish

Lost

I felt a warm blanket

Fold over my shoulders

I cried into its softness

Until I had no more 

Tears to cry

Acceptance of my now 

In that moment 

Peace arrived

I knew from deep within 

That everything

Would be just fine

Leukemia

Constricted chest feeling like

The weight of a 1000 pounds

Unable to breathe

Hospital admission times two

Necessary bone marrow test

Leukemia?

How could this be?

Not to me

She needs me God… please

Don’t take me, not yet

She clung to me after the test

My back and pelvis throbbing

Excruciating 

I didn’t want to move her

Her napping drool pooled

On top of my spotted blue hospital gown

The pain vibrated 

Trying to reach my call button

Her eyelashes caught my attention

Peacefully she slept on my chest

The pain melted away

Into the beauty of her face

Calm hushed like a roar in

The hospital room

In that moment I knew

I would live

For her

For me

For us 

*2015 journey of the leukemia scare that took 6 months to rule out

Two Texts

They stare at me

And I back at them

Two texts

Last ones ever sent

Never to receive again

Two beautiful and important

Women in my life 

Mom #1 & Mom #2

They taught me

Independence 

Strength

Determination

I miss their advice

Their laughter

Their perfume 

Two women that altered

My trajectory 

Forever 

So I hold on to two texts

As a reminder 

To love

To live

To feel

To grow

To learn

Two women who molded

Me

Two texts 

I Believe In You

Sometimes our love & belief in others is enough to carry them to and through to believe in themselves. Isn’t it a bummer that many of us trip up in not believing in ourselves?!  Why do we do that? 

Listen carefully… you are enough! Grab the bull by the horns, go slay your giant, climb that mountain…. know that you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. The time is now, not tomorrow. Now. 

Oh and if it helps… I love you. 

#findyourtribe #loveunabashedly #iloveyou #youareenough