She was only 69

She was only 69

Blue eyes, button nose

Cute as the dickens

Cancer an unnecessary end

To a life that was precious

and beautiful

She saw the potential in anyone

And anything

“Fake it until you make it”

“Let go & let God”

“You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to”

“You are a King’s kid”

Were all common mantra’s growing up

Painting & art were her stories on canvas

Unique & flamboyant

Orange- was her favorite color

Radiant like the sun

Particular

Everything “Just So”

A place

A space

5 were better than 1…. in anything

OCD

Sloppy Wet Kisses

Long Naps

Snuggled up reading books

Fiercely loyal

Perfect hair, Perfect makeup

Turtlenecks & PJs- her favorite things

Tucking my hair behind my ear

Back rubs

Her sneeze

The best laugh you’ve EVER heard

Oh my God, how I miss her

But she’s with you now

Pain free

Dancing with her Savior

Ravaged by cancer too young

She left us on a Monday

Holding my brother’s hand

She was only 69

Blue eyes & a button nose

She was mine & I miss her

Keep her safe God

Until I see her again

*In honor of my Mama, Christene Smith Kulze.       11/27/1944 – 8/5/2013

Not Untouchable

My first published poem
Titled, ‘Untouchable Rose’
Created for the life you led
And here I am today
Looking at beautiful roses
Dying & wilting
You’ve been untouchable
For almost 5 years now
I can’t see you
I miss you
I need you
Everyone needs their Mom
Regardless of age
And time
Ugly cried
All the way home
Hard workout
Triggered repressed
Grief
Grief in missing you
Grief in my now
Grief for a future
That feels fuzzy
I’m sorry for judging
For not understanding
I get that you did
The best you could
I wish I could hear
Your voice
Listen to that laugh
That was so uniquely
Yours
I heard your voice today
So clearly
“Honey…you will when you’re ready”
You always believed in me
My dreams
My hopes
My writing
My forever champion
How I miss you
You were never
An untouchable rose
I just didn’t get it
Like I get it now
I see your beauty
Everywhere
I smell the wilting roses
And cry

0A3797B0-C827-46E2-AB75-EEFF49C8AAF2

Small

Crashing waves
Sunrise
Sunlight splinters and winks
A warm hello
Puffy foam floats on shore
Kids scream in the ocean
Bliss
Sand pipers scamper
Fisherman making use
Of the first day light
How small we are
In comparison to this
Roaring ocean
Salt air enveloping a warm hug
Seashells wink and hideaway
The horizon is hazy
But soon
The sun will brighten the day
And light the way
Beckoning your future
But don’t forget to love
Your now
Not just your one-day when
The ocean roars on

Jeni McCreary

Tourniquet

Tourniquet

In a moment
Of madness
Bones splintered
In rage
Fingers swell
Her rings glimmer
Refusing
To stop shining
Reflection of a life well loved
Cared for
A boxers fracture
Rings wrap an unnecessary
Tourniquet
Fighting the status quo
Her grit
That moxie
Determination
To save a finger
And the memories
Of the rings
Representing
Honor
A life lost too soon
She tugged
With all her might
Skin
Bulging over both sides
Slice like razor blades
By the rings that
Held her finger captive
Tears pouring down
Her beautiful face
Blood splatters
Everywhere
Tourniquet
No more
Never ever
Say you can’t do something
You can do
Anything
You set your mind to

 

Nothing Saved

We are made from the same cloth

You and I

We struggle through the day-to-day

Knowing we are meant for more

But life is hard

Exhausting

Emotionally taxing

Energy depleted

With nothing left to give others

Let alone ourselves

Or to our destiny

Our soul taps its feet

Arms crossed, staring glare

This is all we’ve got?

Really?

We wake up undone

An urgency

We have no idea

What to do or where to start

We hunt and search

For all the wrong things

Wrong avenues

Wrong directions

Feet still tapping, same staring glare

Like a drum

Urgency thunders within

But we spin in circles

Frustrated

Left alone in spooling thoughts

Is this how we’ll be remembered?

A life semi-lived?

Soul staring, head shaking no

If we die today

Have we left a mark?

Of a life fully given

Nothing held back

Refusing to settle for average

Did we give up on ourselves?

Did we give up on God?

Aren’t we warriors?

Legends who decide

To rise up & push forward

Leaving our life with nothing undone

No regrets

Urgency channeled

Through Him

Nothing saved

Not My Son

Police radios blaze
Shots fired Shots fired
Two officers down
Two down
Angry panic over radio waves
Phone rings
Sarg- we don’t know if it’s your son
Line gone
A dash to call whoever can say it
Is it my boy?
Is it my son?
Sir we don’t know yet
Life flight on way- you can come identify
If it’s your son – We don’t have names yet
Police radio crackles again
A sad voice illuminates the night
Can someone tell me where is my husband?
Silence in the night as breaths are held
And released in cursing mutters under breaths
Sarg! It’s not your son
Relief
But other sons are gone
Two warriors
Gone in less than
Four minutes
A blink or two
Four children
Two Wives
Senior in high school
They are gone
Never to be held or touched
Again by their Daddies
Female detective
Lost her soul mate
Four children- youngest only 8 months old
Who will never remember Daddy’s breath when he gives kisses hello
And kisses goodbye
Brothers in blue
Mourning
Each of you
The guilty relief
It was not my son
But they were someone else’s sons
Mother dashes on a plane to decide to
Take him off life support
What thoughts went through her mind
Hoping it was a bad dream & that
She’d walk in his room & he’d be smiling
At her
Surely it can’t be my son
Not my son
Community leaders
Heros
Warriors
Selfless men
Who loved their jobs
Their families
Their friends
Gone
But not forgotten
Their legacy goes on
Beckoning those left behind
As a reminder
To not stop
To engage
To love
To laugh
To make a difference
To be in the moment
In our communities
Because there we will find
Sons who need us
And a reminder
That life is precious
So we better live it
And live it well

Jeni McCreary

 

 

CHAMELEON

Chameleon
Your colors
Camouflage
Offer Protection
Make you
Relatable
To your environment
Always changing
Always Morphing
What is your true color
Chameleon?
Have you ever been
Your true color
For any
Length of time?
Adaptable
Stealthy
Your colors
Continue to change
For every situation
You’re in…
I wonder
Chameleon
What is your
Favorite color?
Do you ever stay in it
For very long?
Are some colors
Easier to slide into?
Ever get tired
Chameleon
In not staying
In your authentic color?
Or do you even realize
That your colors change?
Never really knowing
Your true color
Authenticity
Lacking
But you are beautiful
Chameleon
It’s dreamy how
You so easily
Change
Adapt
And master each
Encounter
With the color
Of your surroundings
Thank you
For the show
And the bit
Of time
Your color
Matched my own
We blended
For a minute
But I blinked
You were gone
A different color
Against the
Background
Of your chosen
Path
Gone
I don’t see you anymore
Against the Camouflage
Of the color
You now call…
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