Not Unto Death

The last four months have been some of the hardest. To be faced with a diagnosis of leukemia that was ruled out by a painful bone marrow test. Then to be told that I have “Valley Fever” that I contracted in the Nevada desert when my Mom was dying two years ago. A potential diagnosis with a worse mortality rate than leukemia…it was ruled out by sinus scopes & scrapes, CT of my sinuses and lots more  blood work.

I had such moments of panic. Do I have enough life insurance for my family? Will I see my little girl grow up? With my husband already out of commission and in bed 95% of his days…who would care for my daughter? My son? He has his own life to live. These panicked thoughts I let in and allowed.

It had to stop.

I called out to God. I cried to Him:

You gave me breath! You wake me up every morning. You are the rock on which I stand.

In those darkest moments with thoughts racing…I made a choice. To believe His word & that these diagnoses, these diseases were NOT unto death.  God will renew my strength. I am healed. I am strong. I am a overcomer. God is good. God is for me. God loves me.

My life has purpose bigger than my now. Bigger dreams. Bigger goals that wrap around His will only. When those waters would not part in those months of unknown, I still stood in my trust in Him.

Today I stand in joy, I’m alive! Not unto death. God has plans & purpose for my life….it is good. I trust Him, period.

Author: Jeni McCreary

Many have shared that I am the strongest woman they know. I would disagree... when life kicks you in the teeth there is only one place to look and that is UP. Life within the last six years has been difficult in having lost my father, mother, step-mom, two brothers, nephew, mother-in-law & five beloved dogs. Grief can alter your trajectory a bit...so I write. This blog will be my random thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, defining my strength and my faith. I'm honest, raw and real. If you don't like that... that's ok...I'm writing more for me than you. Maybe someone will find this blog and my words will help you in some small way.

7 thoughts on “Not Unto Death”

  1. Inspired, courageous, and heartfelt…these are the words that flood over me as I read through your most recent life journey. Love you and ready for you to come home.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jeni, I don’t even know how to conceive of this. I’m re reading it over and over, sobbing like a little baby. I never told you this and my actions don’t show it, but you are one of the most admired people in my life and frankly probably my most genuine friend. I purposely keep people out of my life because it’s just so messed up and I’m so consumed in my own issues I forget there’s a whole other world out there in turmoil. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to Orlando, it has scarred me for a number of reasons. I know one thing, I’d like to keep in touch with you always. Ben and I mention you two often, we were so touched and blessed to have you in our lives. Please stay strong, you gorgeous woman of God. I DO love you.

    Like

    1. Leslie- I love you too and I think you are such a beautiful, amazing woman. You don’t give yourself enough credit and I KNOW God has a plan for your life. It’s hard to wait, hard to trust…but I’m here for you in anyway we can be. Huge hug! PS- keep writing, I’m waiting patiently for the next entry… you’re T A L E N T E D!!!! Your note had me crying… not going to lie!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I already wrote a 2ND blog, and I have 2 in the works, I kind of go back and forth. I love yours too! I feel like I haven’t even arrived in my writing once I’ve read yours!
        How’s your hubby? How are the kids????

        Like

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